expectations

I should be sleeping. I was tired before I went to bed. My mind is wandering. The crickets are singing outside my window and I realized they help it feel like summer. I haven't seen any lightening bugs here. They were part of what made last summer feel so magical. Last summer was filled with catching fireflies, biking, swimming, eating farm fresh produce, road trips, and happiness. I have tried to recreate a similar experience this year, but it just isn't living up to my expectations.

Aaron learned how to ride a bike yesterday. He still needs help getting started but his stamina is increasing, and I have been itching to get out and be active again so tonight the boys and I went for a walk around the complex. I pushed Peter in the stroller while they rode their bikes. It took us about a half hour. It was just right. It felt so good to be moving. I am pretty sure I have gained back any weight I lost by having Peter. Too many sweets in the house since his birth. It will be hard to wean myself off all the sugar.

The boys have been amazing with Peter. This morning Jared told me he can hardly believe that something so small and so cute is part of our family :)

Introducing the Frog Prince

Peter S. B. was born Mon, June 30, 2014 at 8:10 am. He weighed 7 lbs 5.6 oz and is 20.5 in long. I couldn't have asked for a better birth experience. 

Sew much for more nesting

I haven't touched the sewing machine for two days now. I think I really am officially done. I even began putting away the fabric that has been sitting on the ironing board begging to be used somehow. The other day I organized all my fabric by color so when I do go back to making things perhaps it will be easier to know what I have to work with.

So, here are my final projects:

I had come across a blog/tutorial for making gauze swaddling blankets like you can buy for a LOT of money at the store. I decided to pick some of the fabric up at Joann's and make my own. I ended up getting four different colors (white is not pictured here). All I did was hem the edges. Simple, simple. My favorite is the tye-died blue/purple one. It just so happens that I received a package in the mail with the very swaddling blankets I was trying to make. I was glad to get them though so I could compare the fabrics. I would say the bought ones are a softer fabric, but gauze is also supposed to soften with each washing so mine may catch up over time. Either way, this baby will have a lot of nice blankets to be wrapped in :)

My MIL made a bean bag frog YEARS ago and gave me the pattern so I could make them for the boys. The pattern  has sat in my sewing cabinet for just as many years. I finally decided to do something with it because I wanted to make something for them. I made three - Jared's is the camo frog, Aaron's is purple, and Baby's is green like a frog. Aaron and Baby's are made from flannel so they are nice and soft. The camo is from Matthew's old BDU's. I think they turned out pretty well. 

They're supposed to be a surprise for them, and when I first started working on them I'd tell the boys it was a mess when they'd ask what I was doing, but by the third (baby's) Jared finally recognized it as a frog. I filled them with poly fil beads, and I love the way they turned out. I was going to use buttons for the eyes but I would have had to add them before sewing them all together. Even for the stuffed animal eyes I ended up emptying some of the beads in order to get the eyes done. If there is a next time, I would do the eyes either before filling or even before sewing the whole thing up. Jared's was filled from the side which makes for a cleaner stitch, but it made it much more difficult to do the eyes. The other two were filled from the top back - much easier for filling and doing the eyes.

Once the frogs were done, I had some leftover beads and decided to make some bean bags. I ended up making a total of four. They have been quite the party favor! If I had more beads I'd make more. We spent a good couple of hours today playing bean bag games.

This isn't much to look at, but it is a T-Shirt swaddler. I used an old college bookstore tshirt. I liked the video tutorial, but there were just enough unanswered questions in it that I was kind of making it up as I went along too. I am curious how it will actually function in action. It is fairly simple to make once you know what you are doing. 

Sew what have you been up to?

My nesting bug has been going really strong the last two weeks. Aside from packing bags and cleaning house, most of my time has been spent at the sewing machine. The funny thing is that except for the items I already made and posted, none of it is for me! I am finding all these cute fabrics in my stash for baby girl stuff and not a lot for boys so there's isn't a lot of motivation to make anything for myself/baby.

It began with a phone call from my mom about a baby carrier I made and gave to my sister in law who did not want it. We decided to see if my friend M wanted it, which she did. So I decided to make a coordinating bag to go with it.

One side

It was a fairly quick project to put together but I ended up spending all day on it because I had to make it smaller than the pattern called for and didn't reduce the size of the casing for the strap. I ended up having to take it all apart so i could fix that. The sad thing was I'd figured all that out ahead of time but still forgot to account for it :/ Oh well. I like the final product.

other side

inside (and totally reversible)

I get a weekly email from a quilting website with different project ideas. Normally when I look through them I don't find anything I really want to do, but this time I saw one that was simple and kept it in an open tab for awhile before deciding to tackle it. Again, for my friend M because she's having a girl and I have so much cute girly fabric and I wanted to start downsizing my stash. It is called Paisley Squares and Bars.

Instead of quilting the squares I tied them with pink thread.

I had hoped to surprise her with the blanket but ended up needing her opinion on whether or not to use the polka dot fabric and what to use for the binding. I am pretty impressed with myself that I finished it in about a week.

Back view

tagged

Once the blanket was finished I had all these scraps and material pieces left that I wanted to use up, so I decided to make some coordinating baby toys: fabric blocks and links. The boys helped me stuff them :)

And then, I had also been wanting to make her a circle skirt. And since our babies will be here in time for the 4th of July, I decided to make her a holiday skirt. I couldn't quit there though and decided to include a hair bow and shoes.(I didn't include a band b/c she makes her own and I didn't have the right kind of elastic so I figured she could finish it off.) By the time I was done with the hair bow I was tired. I had spent everything in me, so I didn't end up making the shoes. Oh well.

 I mailed her package off yesterday and it should arrive sometime tomorrow. I sat at my sewing area last night trying to figure out something to sew for myself, but didn't come up with anything. I think I am done. I am tired and the desire is pretty nil. Guess it is time to focus on my boys and enjoy the summer with them before little one turns our world upside down.

Sew Busy

Part of my nesting has been utilizing my sewing stash - fabrics I bought when Jared was tiny that have sat unused taking up space and weight. Since we're having another boy they might as well get used even if it is dated. Baby won't care. So, here are the goods so far...

Boppy Pillow Cover (tutorial courtesy of sewleelaa.blogspot.com)

Top of boppy

Bottom with an opening flap to slip the cover in and out. There are lots of tutorials that include a zipper, but I just wasn't interested in going there. Fold over flap was much more my speed.

Aaron insisted on sleeping with it that night :) He looks kind of cozy snuggled up with it.

Baby Blanket

Baby Fabric Rings/Chains (instructions courtesy of http://www.makeit-loveit.com) 

These were pretty simple in concept and execution but a major pain to actually sew shut. I have three more links I could have added but decided I was done. Next time I make them I will add the step of folding down the ends when I sew the strips. The ones that happened to already have a sewn edge seemed to be easier to work with when I linked them.

Quack, quack

My ducks are starting to line up.

I have decided on the midwife practice closest to our home. The hospital is about 15 minutes away in rush hour and five off time. They are doing a water birth study so that may be an option for me when the time comes. The thing I am most troubled by is that there are nine in the practice and with only a few weeks remaining, I will not get the chance to meet them all. I realized recently though that every single delivery has been with a physician I didn't know. I guess it won't really be an issue. My first appt isn't until next Thursday but I am ok with that since at the meet and greet I went to on Monday for another office, the midwife listened baby's heart and checked his position. I was glad she offered because it has been about a month since my last appt and I am at the stage where we are supposed to meet every two weeks. Another two wks and it will be weekly. Last night Jared told me he can't believe bday will be here in another three weeks (assuming he comes as early as Aaron did.) I am not feeling the same sense of urgency I had been so maybe I will have more time than I thought.

I had been dealing with a kinked back ever since I got sick, but it finally seems to have adjusted. I worked on my sleeping positions and decided laying in bed all day wasn't helping so I decided to be active anyway. Between the two I think it worked.I am walking pretty much pain free now. Yay!!

With the return of mobility I have started some serious baby prep. Last Saturday Matthew took another large pile to the storage so the living room is almost completely clear.I haven't done much with it since except vacuum and a little bit of tidying.I did find a rocking chair I liked last week at good will. If I hadn't put up the back seat in preparation for putting in the baby seat I would have brought it home already. Assuming it is still there anyway.

This week I pulled out the co-sleeper I scored off free cycle. When I opened it up I was disappointed to realize all the pieces weren't with it. I did a search on eBay and could purchase the missing pieces but first I wanted to see if I could find them. And the trick was finding them. There were two gift bags that came with it and I had them in the basement.the big question was which box they got packed in. The more boxes I have opened the more frustrated I have gotten with the packers. All of the basement boxes were already in the storage unit so I was really hoping they weren't in one of the boxes that we made completely inaccessible. Thankfully it turned out ok. I had kept all the kitchen boxes close to the front in case I needed to access them and that's where I ended up finding them. All the pieces were accounted for plus some. These people spent a fortune! By the end of yesterday I just needed to prep my bed to attach it and that will be one more thing off my list.

Finding a pediatrician was taken care of today. I needed to schedule a consult to renew Jareds prescription so that appt will be on Tue.

The big thing left are to sort and wash baby clothes and pick a bag then I will be ready!

Of course the other big things on my mind this week are preparing a talk and a music lesson for Sunday :p

Rattled and riddled

Once again my mind is riddled with thoughts keeping me from returning to sleep after waking. Yesterday I met with a midwife group attached to a local teaching hospital. I found their general philosophy seemed to match mine and the hospital wasn't too bad though the labor room was small. It did have a tub and rocking chair, but no place for Matthew really. Tomorrow I meet with another group. Sunday I had a conversation with a lady who works in the maternity ward and recommended a group south of us. I searched online and think I found them. This lady didn't give specific names but the one I found is a group of two which is much more in line with what I would prefer. The other two groups are large practices allowing very little opportunity to get to know each midwife.

The advantage of the teaching hospital is that it is the only baby friendly certified hospital in Utah and is natural birth friendly. The disadvantage is it a teaching hospital and is 20+ minutes away though it is really close to where Matthew works. This would actually be an advantage if I were to labor during the day but my history tells me it will happen at night. The other hospital is only 10 minutes away during the day. The lady I talked with on Sunday said the staff there is good but routine driven and I would have to fight for what I want which is not the atmosphere I want at all. But I know so much of the experience is dependent on my head team ie the midwives. The third hospital is about 25 minutes away but is a newer hospital with larger and nicer rooms.

Before waking up tonight I was dreaming that I was in a birthing class and it was time to test what we knew and actually go into labor. I wanted so much for my body to function on its own but I just didn't have enough time. Here lies the heart of my stress. In New Jersey I felt completely comfortable with my midwives and the idea of a home birth. I think I could have reasonably expected a very positive and textbook kind of labor - one that mirrored my last miscarriage. Here in Utah the home birth midwives scare me, leaving me with only the hospital for an option. I want to be able to labor at home as long as possible but I don't want to put myself in a position of hitting transition in transit either.

Before leaving NJ I came to believe that my labor experience with my last miscarriage was such a positive one because I was completely open and ready for it. I think Aaron's mimicked Jared's because I wasn't emotionally and mentally ready to go through the experience again. It worked out in that my overall experience was much better but I still ended up with pitocin. I so much want this time to be "textbook" (natural) too. I am realizing my anxiety about having to deliver in the hospital may be my downfall. I have also come to realize that I am the only one who counts my miscarriage experience as valid history because I went through it alone. My family's experience is limited to my two living children, thus the kind of comments I get are more mocking in nature at the idea that my body will do anything different than their experience with me indicates. The task then is to believe in myself and my body and not allow those hurtful comments to undermine my strength.

My hope is that I will be able to get over the fact I have to deliver in the hospital and find the right fit for me. I think this will alleviate a lot of stress and enable me to come back to that core feeling of peace and strength. Maybe I will even quit having worrisome labor and delivery dreams too because I will feel like my ducks are in a row.

Mother's Day wish

For Mother's Day I told Matthew I want a living room (ie boxes unpacked and space. We got rid of our couches and most of the other large furniture. I don't expect a couch for tomorrow, but at least a spot we could put one.) We are almost there!! We spent most of the early afternoon moving boxes to the storage unit and shed. There aren't as many boxes left, and we can finally fill the bookshelves (which will clear out a lot of the boxes that are left to unpack).

I started on the task of opening all the living room book boxes thinking this part would be just a matter of figuring out which box came from which book shelf. Unfortunately I was wrong. The packers mixed books that were on the book shelf with books that were already in boxes not to be shelved.... frustrating. My easy task has turned into another monster to fight, so I decided to give myself a much needed break and put my feet up in bed and hang out on the computer.

My overall feeling about the hiring moving/packers experience is that it really is a great help, but there's a lot of things that have been frustrating too (like them unpacking filled boxes and mixing them in other boxes or totes as well as not always labeling things clearly) Argh.

Anyway....

Matthew also wanted to take the boys to Ensign Peak today. I wasn't invited due to the breathing challenge just moving boxes poses ;) He told the boys I'd still be on the way up when they'd be ready to come down :) We went to a local park Thursday evening and walked their 2/3rd of a mile trail (uphill on one side) and it posed quite the challenge for me. I think it was pretty eye opening for Matthew too.  Between the altitude, my congestion, and the baby in my ribs I just don't have a lot of breath to work with (not to mention the waddle in my walk from a kinked back). On one hand I'm disappointed I didn't get to go with them, but on the other it really is wiser for me not to.

Wednesday evening I was concerned I was going into pre-term labor. I was having a lot of cramps and some stronger contractions. After eating dinner, I laid in bed and drank water the rest of the night. By the morning the contractions had subsided, but there was still a little bit of cramping feeling. I did a major shopping trip to stock up after dropping the boys off at school, then slept off and on throughout the day and generally took it easy (until Matthew got home and we hit the park.) Aside from being really tired the rest of the week, I think I've recovered from Wed's scare. It is quite the balancing act between putting the house in order and keeping my body in order :/

Time can do so much...

Another post I didn't get to finish but will publish anyway. 

Written Thurs, May 1, 2014

It is hard to believe we have been in UT for over a week now. I suppose after all I've put my body through with the move, a week of illness is just pay. Unfortunately it is not a pleasant thing and it will make its rounds through the family. My sweet Aaron will be its next victim - the price of his affection.

Here's more of the story:

Matthew finally received orders on Mon, March 31st with a travel date of Thurs, April 3rd - just enough time for us to get our ducks in a row before he left. Tues we went to the travel office and found out that packers would come Thurs, April 10th and the movers on Mon, the 14th. Seems I was right about moving during spring break. I had finally wrapped my brain around the idea that I'd be in NJ til the end of the month and then all of a sudden I was faced with the daunting task of needing to be ready in a little over a week!

It would seem that having someone else move you would make things so much easier, but it really quite overwhelmed me. We had a weight limit of 9000 lbs and anything not going was to be purged before packers arrived. Thankfully we had a great set of people to work with and they were quite accommodating in the end.

I am grateful to my mom and all she did to help with this transition. She was supposed to come on Sat, the 12th but by Mon the 7th I knew I was in way over my head and was prepared to call her and ask her to come sooner when she called first. The flights were full so she'd have to come Wed. Perfecto! She was a lifesaver! Between the two of us we were able to get everything done. She could keep going when I could not and vice versa.

"Hear my Cries!"

Written Wed, March 26th. It is an incomplete thought, but one that I wanted to post anyway.

The other day I had a a certain phrase from a song stuck in my head that felt particular fitting. It was a hymn/spiritual of some sort and all I get is the pleading sound of "Hear my cry! Hear my cry!"

In my post a few weeks back announcing my pregnancy, I mentioned that Matthew was supposed to be going on active duty orders at the end of March though things rarely work out the way they seem. How prophetic. Soon after that he came home and told me that the unit could not get the money to fund it though they tried. Money is in the till, just not in that category to spend. We thought he'd be going back to the pest control but they did figure out a way to keep him on for another few weeks, at least until all the avenues dried up. Thursday was his last day of work, though he will not return to the pest control company any time soon. Pull up a chair. Here's the story.

We love New Jersey. We love the people, the area, the schools. What we do not like is the cost of living. Last year wasn't a big deal because we shared the house with another family and we were able to maintain a savings. Since moving into our own place that almost doubled what we paid in rent, our funds have been slowly drying up. Enter a year of active duty with Matthew's unit, answer solved. Or so we thought. When we got the news that Matthew would not be going on active duty status, I began entertaining the idea of working for a temp agency or teaching piano again (the local teacher just moved so timing would work and I could take the summer off with the newborn and start again in the fall) but it just wasn't sitting right. By the end of Feb we were wondering how we were going to continue to financially support ourselves. I quit grocery shopping and we started living off our food storage. Let me tell you, THRIVE's powdered milk is pretty darn good!

I've mentioned before the faith it took to pay our tithing and the blessings that seemed to come immediately from exercising that faith. I wasn't going to let time pass again before paying, but I did after all. The money just was not there to pay tithing and meet all our obligations. I actually drew strength from my own witness and testimony that our family can not afford to NOT pay tithing and took a leap of faith.

One night at the beginning of March I prayed that we'd be able to meet our financial obligations. I believe it was the next morning that I went to work for the lady in our ward whom I've helped off and on by cleaning her house. I was looking forward to the work because we'd have some cash to buy some groceries but I was concerned how my body would handle the physical demands. Thankfully it handled it well except for being really tired at the end of the day. (But even that was a gift because it got me moving and active on the days thereafter.) Anyway, that morning while I was cleaning I got a text from Matthew asking if I could talk. After a little bit of phone tag we were able to get a hold of each other. He told me that he had received an email informing him of a 6 month active duty assignment in Salt Lake and wondered if he should apply. My first thought was, J is in Utah. And so is my brother. The catch was that the start date was March 31st - just a few weeks away. Over the course of the day, we'd talk back and forth about the implications of a PCS to UT and whether he'd go or we all go. I texted my brother and J to get a feel for how far away they were from SLC. It was mind boggling.  I hadn't told the lady I work for that I was pregnant yet and at one point the opportunity came up for me to share the offer being presented and at the same time let her know about the baby. The fact that I am due right in the middle of the assignment just really complicated things. So bang, all in one fell swoop she found out I am expecting and possibly moving. I suppose it was the best way to tell her. We talked some more about and bounced ideas off each other the next day over lunch.

The email came on Thursday, March 6th and the application closed Monday, the 10th. We had a few days to figure out if he should even apply to the position. All throughout that period, NO ONE had submitted an application. Matthew was pretty sure he'd get it if he was the only applicant. Here are the pros - he held all the qualifications for the job. In fact, it was what he'd been working on with the unit since being on orders in Feb. As a PCS, the military would pay for the move. He'd be on active duty orders for 181 days - full Army benefits, plus the length of time needed to receive Veteran status and thereby receive Veteran benefits, AND it will make him more qualified for the full time positions he's been eyeing for years but never quite qualified for. In the end, he applied. I figured it was kind of like the New Jersey thing - if it was what was right for our family, then it would happen otherwise it wouldn't.

Every day has been filled with questions of logistics and what if's and what should we's... I worried about doing the single parent thing again and having a baby with/out Matthew. The more I researched schools and midwives in UT, the more anxious and agitated and overwhelmed I felt. Here is a journal entry I wrote a week after learning about the position:

THURSDAY, MARCH 13, 2014

Last night as the winds swirled outside, the phrase 'whirlwind adventure' came coming to mind as I thought about the possibility of a 6 mo PCS to UT in our very near future. So many unanswered questions and not a lot of time to figure it all out.

In other news, I finally announced on FB about being pregnant. I am not sure if sharing my blog post about it was the right decision but it is done.

We went and toured the hospital Tuesday night. The boys behaved pretty well. I was pleased :) The next day I asked them what they thought of the experience and Jared said, Lucky. Another voiced opinion was excited. I think it made it more real for them - at least for Jared because up until yesterday he really didn't seem to show much interest in the baby. I was laying on the couch and Jared was working on homework at the computer. Baby was bumping around and I called Aaron over to feel. Jared came too. Baby quieted down again but Jared waited there awhile. I told him that he could talk to the baby. He wasn't quite sure what to say and I could tell he felt awkward and embarrassed. Finally I sent him away and told him I'd call him back over if he started moving again. Turns out that every time I sat up he'd move. About the same time as discovering this, Jared had turned on his band music to listen to while he worked. Soon I called him over and he was able to feel this little one a couple of times. I'm glad he got to experience that :)

As for my feelings about the hospital tour, well... it is a great facility. But I felt uncomfortable there and it kind of solidified my feelings about a home birth. I think I finally figured out why. At my appt with the midwife last week I discussed Matthew's concerns about a homebirth. She assured me that most calls to transfer to the hospital happen early enough that can be done calmly. If it really is an emergency transfer than they call the closest hospital to have them prep the OR. But even in a hospital it takes 30 minutes to prep for a C-Section which would be our travel time. One of the reasons for transfer would be failure to progress, so I shared with her my previous birth experiences and wondered how that would be weighed. We discussed it and she said it is possible that I petered out because I was disrupted and distracted by the transition to the hospital. Another possibility is that I am just one of those women who has a really long early labor, but the fact that my water broke put me on a clock. It might be a different experience staying home.

As we went through the hospital and the more our guide talked, I thought about the conversation with the midwife and my experience with the miscarriages and realized I really liked being at home and doing my own thing. That night Matthew asked me what I thought and I shared with him this conclusion and I think he got it. In the morning I told him that I felt very uncomfortable delivering in the hospital and that it wasn't the place for me. He joked that maybe that had something to do with moving to UT :)

I feel very torn about the move. I want to go as a family, but I don't want to take Jared away from band and the research I've done for midwives makes me feel anxious and upset. The highly recommended ones take very few clients and even less insurance. I'd have to pay out of pocket. With the fact that most of my pgcy is over, I'd hope they would pro-rate it. My next appt is April 1st and is in conjunction with my big blood draw and testing. Really the only expenses left should be the final visits, birth, and postpartum. I talked to Mom yesterday to find out if she'd be willing to come and stay with us in June if Matthew goes by himself. She is willing. In some ways I think that'd be the easiest option, but I also don't necessarily feel like that is the best option.

Friday night or Saturday morning I was praying about it, and the thought that came immediately to mind was that we will go and everything will turn out fine. I felt much more at peace at that point and decided to quit researching and wait for orders and answers to all our questions. We spent Saturday evening emptying out the storage unit. Jared and I were alone in the van so I talked to him about the situation and how he felt about it. He said he thinks we'll go, but he'd prefer not to say why. He recognizes that there are pros and cons to the move. The biggest pro is that the ****  are there, though we'd still be a good enough distance away that we still probably wouldn't see each other as much as we'd like. Although with summer's free schedule, maybe we would.

On Sunday the topic for Sacrament mtg was the Atonement. The sister spoke about using the Atonement for its ENABLING power, not just its healing power. The final speakers shared his recent experience regarding losing his job and finding new employment. He recounted the move to get him here and shared that two weeks before they were to come, the apartment complex contacted them and denied their application. After scrambling they found another one and discovered another member family in the complex whom they became really great friends with. At one point they shared their experience with the denied application and the family responded that they know why it happened. They had been praying for a family to move in that they could be friends with. Basically they had prayed this family to that apartment. His point was that sometimes our trials are an answer to another's prayers. The closing song was I'll Go Where You Want me to Go. I looked at Matthew and laughed. It seemed the talks and song for that morning were meant for us.

As I've thought about the growth and realizations from reading the Book of Mormon over the last 40 days, I try to draw on the same strength that Nephi had. He trusted the Lord and was willing to do whatever was asked because the Lord would see him through it. I need that kind of faith too. Yes it scary and overwhelming, but it will all work together for our good.

The person in charge of hiring had been on TDY but arrived home and contacted Matthew on Monday, the 17th. Turns out there was one other applicant, but she seemed to indicate a preference for Matthew. Tues afternoon Matthew received an official offer for the position which he accepted and the paperwork dance and real decision process began.

These were basically our options: Matthew goes by himself the entire 6 mo; We go with him right off; He goes first and we follow (when?). If we move out too, do we put all of our stuff in storage here and rent a furnished place there or take everything with us? Do we rent a small place and put our stuff in storage there? What is going to happen after the 6 months? Will we return or stay there longer? What do we do with our current lease?

As each day passed, it seemed like our thoughts and plans would morph until they fit the Sculptor's design. It has been an interesting process. I feel like we've been guided but in such a way that we were to figure it out on our own at the same time. Conversations here and there as I gleaned for input and information clarified thoughts in my mind. After almost a week break of not thinking about the move, I started browsing zillow and craigslist again. It no longer felt so stressful. I sent out emails to school districts regarding band programs and focused on housing within those school boundaries that offered band. I learned all I could about different schools, their demographics, curriculum, and general reviews. I figured out which areas were the quickest commute to the unit and started learning the city by area. I got to the point where it wasn't enough to just make lists of places that looked good, I had to start making phone calls and sifting through everything I'd harvested.

After a conversation with a friend, it became clear that we should take everything with us because we don't know what will happen after the 6 months. Since the military will pay for us to move back, we wouldn't be out anything by taking it. If for some reason we stay, our belongings would not be split across the country. And if our stuff needs to go to storage in UT, so be it.

As for our current lease, I'd thought of seeing if we could make a deal with the landlord to maybe pay half rent to maintain our claim, but thought it wouldn't be fair to him if we didn't come back. One of my concerns was moving back to NJ in October and not being able to find decent housing because moving season was over. But I also trusted that we'd find what we needed to. Even if we renewed the lease, next year we'd have to move to a bigger place with a third youngster running around. I went ahead and notified our landlord of the possibility we would not renew due to the possible orders, but that we weren't sure if they'd really happen. He is such a nice man and has been very patient with us.

Wide Awake

I've been awake for the last 45 min or so. I had heard one of those boys get up and go to the bathroom and in my semi-conscious state then began dreaming about Aaron crying because he needed me. (He usually knocks on my door the same time in the middle of the night b/c he gets scared to go the bathroom by himself. Still. Although I think that is one of the ways his anxiety about moving manifests itself). There was no need for a helper this time, but I'd been aroused enough from my dream that I got up to potty and check on the boys. Both sound asleep :)

I knew as soon as I walked out of the bathroom though that my mind had been enlivened enough that sleep would be elusive. But, I laid in bed with my eyes closed and tried to sleep. Soon I was thinking of all the things that need to be done. And then baby started moving. Between the activity in my mind and little boy in my belly, I decided sleep was not going to come. It is unfortunate that doing something in my mind actually produces results. If it did, my fridge would be cleaned, totes moved, papers organized... man this move would be a piece of cake ;) Being awake in these early morning hours won't help me get much done either as I will spend the day tired.

I guess I ought to spend this time actually producing instead of just browsing facebook.

40 Days: Finished!!

Well, it took more than the 40 days, but today I finally finished the Book Of Mormon. I could have done it within 47 days but I did not make reading as much every day as high a priority as I had. More immediate concerns were pressing on my mind and made it difficult to concentrate on the scriptures though when I did read it was well worth the effort.

I am grateful for the challenge and the growth I've experienced as a result of it. It has truly been a gift and blessing.

Riding Along...

It was a BEAUTIFUL spring day today! Oh it is so refreshing to have nice weather. It's unfortunate that temps will drop this coming week and bring more snow. I am ready for full on spring, but I'll take what I can get for now.

We spent a lot of the day cleaning and such, but by the late afternoon I was ready to get out of the house. I pulled out my bike and we road down the street. I wasn't sure how my body would handle it, but overall it went well. Mine and Jared's legs are out of practice so we had to walk our bikes up the 'hill' but I didn't have any trouble with balance or hurting. For a little bit afterwards my left leg was giving me some problems when I walked but that actual riding was quite refreshing. If it weren't for the turn of weather I think we would be up to doing it every day and build up our stamina again. I did discover my back tire's valve has a leak so that will have to be taken care of better than the electrical tape fix I did today. Last summer when I tried to change out my tires I couldn't get them off. Maybe Matthew would be able to do it even if I couldn't.

Wowzuhs!

35:27 minutes/1.16 miles/172 calories/53.8 fat

holy smokes I'm out of shape! My legs have been begging for me to get back into a walking routine and last week the weather convinced me to get out and do it, but before I actually followed through it snowed. I decided to set up my treadmill 'office' and walk while I was on the computer instead of laying in bed all day. I've been walking for 35 minutes and have only gone a mile and I'm POOPED!

That being said, I feel so much better than I have been now that it is done! I feel like I have more energy overall :) If only the weather could stay nice.....

40 Days: Day 40

"Forty Days Closer to Jesus Christ"

We made it!

Day 40: "It is not by marvelous manifestations unto us that we shall be established in the truth, but it is by humility, and faithful obedience to the commandments and laws of God." -Joseph F. Smith 

Today's reading: Moroni 1-10
Mark and ponder: Moroni 10:4-5

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Well, I am on Helaman 12. I didn't quite make the 40 days, but I will complete it. It's  been a blessing to participate in this challenge. That is for sure!

40 Days: Day 38 & 39

"Forty Days Closer To Jesus Christ" 

Day 38: "Let us have compassion upon each other ,and let the strong tenderly nurse the weak into strength, and let those who can see guide the blind until the can see the way for themselves." -Brigham Young

Today we are reading: Ether 4-10
Mark and Ponder: Moroni 7:16-17

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"Forty Days Closer to Jesus Christ"

Day 39: " I will go forward. I will smile at the rage of the tempest, and ride fearlessly and triumphantly across the boisterous ocean of circumstances... and the 'testimony of Jesus' will light up a lamp that will guide my vision through the portals of immortality." -Eliza R. Snow

Reading for today: Ether 11-15
Mark and Ponder: Moroni 8: 9-12

40 Days: Day 37

"Forty Days Closer to Jesus Christ"

Day 37: "Jesus will not be found by crusades of men. Jesus will not be found in councils of debate. The formula for finding Jesus has always been and ever will be the same-the earnest and sincere prayer of a humble and pure heart." -Thomas S. Monson

Today's reading: Mormon 9-Ether 3. 
Mark and ponder: Ether 12:41

ugh

I woke up this morning thinking I'd resist sitting in bed on the computer the entire school day, but I didn't. Two days in a row of no yoga. The only movement since showering is a potty break and getting lunch around noon. The days are wasting - WASTING - away with nothing to show for it. There are so many other things I could be doing but choose not to. The next two days will be spent working (cleaning) so I intended to take it easy today so hopefully I won't be sore tomorrow, but really, this is ridiculous. 

A bump on a log....

You Never Know

Sunday was fast and testimony Sunday. Most of the time when I'm moved to share, I am already to the point of tears and feeling pretty humble but this Sunday I felt a conviction to get up and share about the moving that happened this week as I read from the book of Alma that the Book of Mormon is truly the word of God reserved for us today and express gratitude for those men who wrote it. I went up feeling joy and tears were no where on the horizon, but by the end I needed a tissue. This is beside the point.

I honestly don't remember everything I said, but I do remember looking out into the audience and seeing someone whom I know has struggled with the church and testimony and was happily surprised to see this individual and also caught a wiping away of tears as I spoke. I received a text from this person today thanking me for my testimony and that it touched them deeply. I noticed a post on facebook from this person today referring to a recent change of heart, and it warms me to think that I had a small role in being an instrument in the hands of the Lord.

Some things I do remember sharing that I have felt as I have taken the 40 day BOM reading challenge:

-Because it is a challenge to read the BOM in 40 days, I am often behind so many of my spare moments I am immersed in the scriptures trying to catch up and this has been a benefit to me. I have definitely felt a difference in my ability to feel the Spirit as a result. (Kind of more like my old self)

-Nephi is often looked at this amazing good guy whose likeness is unattainable, but what I realized is that besides studying the scriptures and praying, he recognized the hand of the Lord in his life and that is where his greatness came from. He was able to come to a point where he could trust in the Lord absolutely. Likewise the Lord could absolutely trust him. It was mutual. Nephi was willing to do whatever the Lord asked of him because he knew he could trust Him and the Lord would help him.

-Since I've been studying the Old Testament as well, I've been able to see the Nephites in a whole new light since they were living the law of Moses. I realized that Sherem believed the law of Moses saved them, not Christ. He was like the Jerusalem Jews who missed the symbolism.

- Alma 32 teaches about faith, but 33 teaches that is in Jesus Christ that we should have faith and 44 teaches it is because of the Atonement.

- Later in Alma we learn about the resurrection and what happens after we die. And it was as I read these teachings of Alma and Amulek I realized how vital the Book of Mormon is to us in this day. We live in a very complicated society, but the answers for clarity are in the BOM. It is plain. So easy to understand. I want to share this with my friends who don't have a clear understanding because it brings peace. So much peace when the unanswered questions can finally be put to rest. I am so grateful for these men who wrote their testimonies and experiences so that we could have them today when we desperately need them. And I am thankful for Joseph Smith who also trusted in the Lord and did his part to bring them to light.

I know the Lord keeps his promises - even if it is years in the making.

40 Days: Day 36

"Forty Days Closer to Jesus Christ"

Day 36: "You wonderful sisters render compassionate service to others for reasons that supersede desires for personal benefits. In this you emulate the Savior, who, though a king, did not seek position, nor was He concerned about whether others noticed Him. His thoughts were always tuned to help others. He knew that greatness had little to do with outward signs of prosperity or position." -Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Today's reading: 4 Nephi-Mormon 8
Mark and ponder: Ether 12:27