Cookie Fat

I don't think I'll participate in a cookie exchange ever again - especially when it involves 13 dozen cookies. The idea is that you pass them out to neighbors, etc but mine only got passed to my thighs. It has become absolutely ridiculous. There've been a few days this week where ALL I ate were cookies. I have mental reprimands throughout the day as I try to battle the urge to eat one. Usually I lose and eat one or two. Or five. It's bad.

I did P90X twice this week. YAY!

On the couch with Dr. B ~

Confession Time.

A few months ago, I attended a Primary Leadership meeting and received a small goodie bag as a token of appreciation for my service in the organization. Contained in this bag were 2 or three cookies and some brownies. I had the cookies after the meeting, then that night I ate all the rest of the goodies. I did not want them. I wanted them gone so they'd no longer be a temptation. I told myself I didn't need them and that if I don't eat them now they will still be there when I do want them. By the end of the night though, they were all gone and I felt so sick and disgusted with myself I seriously considered making myself throw up. This surprised even myself and sent red flags all over my brain. I did not do it. But, I realized that I had a problem and needed to do something about it. I was out of control. I joined sparkpeople - a free website that has food, weight, and exercise tracking tools. I was good about keeping it updated for about 3 days before it felt time consuming and overwhelming. So, I quit. And as the days go on, my eating habits have not changed.

I just finished a 9 week Biggest Loser contest, so each week I have watched my weight go up by degrees, but still somewhat consistently at 153 pounds. I did not weigh in last week, but I weighed on my mom's scale last night. 160 pounds. This morning I weighed on my bathroom scale that is a few pounds below what the Wii is measuring. 155 pounds. I must accept the fact that I am going to be back where I was last January if I don't stop. I MUST exercise some discipline and self-control. Walking each morning has been enough to barely hold on, but everyday the walk has been getting harder. It should be getting easier!! My baggy clothes are starting to fit better and my others are getting tighter.

I want to start doing P90X again b/c I know that will help target the areas that the fat is collecting, plus it is a more vigorous exercise. I just don't want to do it alone. And I am dreading the sore muscles that will come as my body gets used to it again. I also want to get back on Weight Watchers. I think I am ready. It is familiar. With sparkpeople I had to worry about calories and re-do everything. WW will have saved my profile and contain all the foods I had before. My brain is used to thinking in terms of points. My big set-back is the monthly fee. We -I - just do not have the money to maintain the program. Right now they are having the no sign up fee special. It costs $54 for the 3 months. I usually get $50 for Christmas from my parents, so that is what I plan on spending it on. I just don't know if I can afford to wait that long - physically.

With my bulimia incident, I realized that my perceptions about weight - and the reasons for weightloss - had changed over time. Up to that point, I was still trying to 'be good'. But I think to counter my obsession, I let go of all concern about weight and food intake. As a result the climb began a little more steadily. I have been analyzing and evaluating some experiences that shape the thought processes and have encouraged some of my new weight gain. To the whys:

It still throws me off when I hear people - strangers, or people not in my closer circle of friends - call me or refer to me as thin or skinny. One night with one such reference, in jest a person said, 'You're thin so that means we don't like you.' I realized how awful the prejudice is that overweight people can have against thinner people. I have felt those same feelings of jealousy and intimidation that can come from being around thinner people, but I realized they are unfair. Thin people are people with feelings too. It was a little bit shocking and hurt my feelings to be told that someone wouldn't like me because of my stature.

Now that I'm writing this, I can't remember the specifics of another chink to my motivation. I know it has to do with jokes/comments that are made regarding my weight loss from people closer to me. The end result is that I feel like I have to eat more to feel accepted.

I am a people pleaser. I want others to be happy, so I will do what it takes to make sure that happens - even at my own expense (or even my family's). Helping ensure the happiness of others is not a bad thing. However, I think in this case I need to not worry so much about what others think and just be happy myself. This is a very hard thing for me to do.

Another big contribution is stress - stress over finances. Money is more than tight and as a result I've got a two edged sword going. I am constantly thinking of ways to save money and make the food stretch, and I'm making a lot more of my own food: bread, tortillas, milk, beans, cottage cheese is my latest - and so I feel like it is more expenable. MMM homemade bread and tortillas are the best!! Very yummy - very not good to eat a lot of. I've made a lot of cookies lately too. Again, yummy but not good for the smaller tummy.

In the past it has helped me to be able to identify the causes behind the not-for-nourishment food intake. Once I know the reasons, I can stop the eating. Hopefully having penned this will do the same.

Red Alert!

*deep breath*

.....Exhale.....

Don't panic. Don't cry.
Look down.

*deep breath*

.....Exhale.....

Don't panic. Don't cry.
You are better than that.
You are stronger than this.

*deep breath*

.....Exhale.....

Don't panic. Don't cry.
Turn around and walk away.

*deep breath*

.....Exhale.....

Don't panic. Don't cry.
Keep walking.

Plum Crumble

Plum Crumble

Ingredients:

•3 pounds fresh plums, pitted, quartered, about 5 cups
•1/4 cup brown sugar
•1 cup sifted all-purpose flour
•1 cup granulated sugar
•1/2 teaspoon salt
•1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
•1 large egg, beaten
•1/2 cup butter, melted

Preparation:

Combine plums and brown sugar, stirring well to blend. Pour into a buttered 11 1/2x7 1/2 inch baking dish.

Sift together the flour, granulated sugar, salt, and cinnamon. Add the beaten egg, stirring lightly with fork until mixture is crumbly. Sprinkle mixture evenly over the plums then drizzle with the melted butter. Bake plum crumble at 375° for 40 to 45 minutes, or until lightly browned.

Serve warm with whipped topping or ice cream.

*******
Oct 26, 2010 - This is not a light and tasty recipe, but since it was my first time making anything with plums I had to share. I had exactly 3 lbs of plums left from a large co-op produce order, so I figured this was a great way to use them. My guess is that you could substitute any fruit for the plums.

This is a really simple dish and we all loved it. I don't know why, but it surprised me how purple the juices were in the final product.

Overnight Stuffed French Toast

Overnight Stuffed French Toast

Ingredients

20 slices French bread (1 inch thick)
1 package (8 ounces) fat-free cream cheese
3 cups egg substitute
2 cups fat-free milk
1/3 cup plus 1-3/4 cups sugar-free maple-flavored syrup, divided
1 teaspoon Spice Islands®, All Natural, No Corn Syrup Added, Pure Vanilla Extract
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2-1/2 cups sliced fresh strawberries

Directions

Arrange 10 slices of bread in a 13-in. x 9-in. baking dish coated with cooking spray. Spread each slice with cream cheese. Top with remaining bread. In a large bowl, whisk the egg substitute, milk, 1/3 cup syrup, vanilla and cinnamon; pour over bread. Cover and refrigerate overnight.

Remove from the refrigerator 30 minutes before baking. Bake, uncovered, at 350° for 45-50 minutes or until top is lightly browned and a thermometer reads at least 160°. Serve with strawberries and remaining syrup. Yield: 10 servings.

Nutritional Analysis: 1 serving equals 306 calories, 3 g fat (1 g saturated fat), 3 mg cholesterol, 805 mg sodium, 54 g carbohydrate, 3 g fiber, 19 g protein.

********
Oct 24, 2010 - Can we say heavenly?! These were so good! It was sad that there were only enough for each of us to get 1 1/2. The strawberry jam again was a special addition to it, but I think these would be good no matter the topping! We did not add any more syrup to them. It didn't need it. The strawberry jam with powdered sugar was great. Although, by the end we were adding some plain homemade yogurt and that was a really delicious addition. Some of the liquid steamed out and created a cream cheese consistency. YUM!

I did tweak the recipe a bit because I don't have egg substitute and 3 c. of egg substitute is equal to a dozen eggs. There was no way I was going to use a whole package of eggs on this. So, I did some research to find out what other overnight french toast recipes called for. I ended up only using 5 eggs and 1 3/4 c. milk and that was addequate. Also, I only used about 1 TB of cream cheese - not a whole package. The author of the recipe must use 1 TB per french toast sandwich I just didn't see the need for that much.

The bread I used was homemade and it fluffed up really nicely and had a nice texture and taste. It soaked the liquid really quickly. To keep the bread from being soggy on one side and not coat evenly on the other, after pouring the liquid I think flipped every sandwich over and left it so that the other side got to soak in the bread too. This method worked really well, except a few of the smaller slices did kind of crumble. In the end it was fine because it still baked up nicely and made great little pieces for the boys.

I would definitely make this again. In fact, we liked it so much we wished we could eat every Sunday morning! The only setback is that it requires a whole loaf of bread and a lot of eggs. But, the 5 eggs isn't any more than I'd use to feed our family anyway, so I guess it really isn't that bad.

Nutty Whole Wheat Bread (oven, knead)

Nutty Whole Wheat Bread

Ingredients

2-1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1-1/4 cups whole wheat flour
3/4 cup finely chopped walnuts
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1 package (1/4 ounce) quick-rise yeast
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup water
1/3 cup reduced-fat plain yogurt
2 tablespoons butter

Directions

In a bowl, combine 1 cup all-purpose flour, whole wheat flour, walnuts, brown sugar, yeast and salt.

In a saucepan, heat the water, yogurt and butter to 120°-130°. Add to dry ingredients; beat until smooth. Stir in enough remaining all-purpose flour to form a soft dough. Turn onto a floured surface; knead until smooth and elastic, about 4 minutes (do not let rise).

Shape dough into a ball; place on a baking sheet coated with cooking spray. Cover and let rest in a warm place for 20 minutes. Bake at 400° for 25-30 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from pan to cool on a wire rack. Yield: 1 loaf (16 slices).

Nutritional Analysis: One slice equals 156 calories, 6 g fat (1 g saturated fat), 4 mg cholesterol, 167 mg sodium, 23 g carbohydrate, 2 g fiber, 4 g protein. Diabetic Exchanges: 1-1/2 starch, 1/2 fat.

*********
Oct 23, 2010 - Another really yummy bread recipe. I liked the crunch of the walnuts in it. This was a hit with everyone. Even the boys kept asking for more. I'm sure the jam helped with that too. It would have made a really great addition to a soup, but I never did get around to making one.

This was a tricky bread in that I never was sure what "knead until smooth and elastic" meant. I kept kneading it but it never got less sticky and it was always elastic. I finally got it to where I thought it was close enough - though it took a lot longer than the 4 minutes. It was kind of cool to see that it was a round bread.

Slow Cooked Sirloin (crockpot)

Slow Cooked Sirloin
Ingredients

1 beef top sirloin steak (1-1/2 pounds)
1 medium onion, cut into 1-inch chunks
1 medium green pepper, cut into 1-inch chunks
1 can (14-1/2 ounces) Progresso ® Beef Broth
1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
1/4 teaspoon dill weed
1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
1/4 teaspoon pepper
Dash crushed red pepper flakes
2 tablespoons cornstarch
2 tablespoons water

Directions

In a large nonstick skillet coated with cooking spray, brown beef on both sides. Place onion and green pepper in a 3-qt. slow cooker. Top with beef. Combine the broth, Worcestershire sauce, dill, thyme, pepper and pepper flakes; pour over beef. Cover and cook on high for 3-4 hours or until meat reaches desired doneness and vegetables are crisp-tender.

Remove beef and keep warm. Combine cornstarch and water until smooth; gradually stir into cooking juices. Cover and cook about 30 minutes longer or until slightly thickened. Return beef to the slow cooker; heat through. Yield: 6 servings.

Nutritional Analysis: 1 serving equals 199 calories, 6 g fat (2 g saturated fat), 68 mg cholesterol, 305 mg sodium, 8 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 26 g protein. Diabetic Exchanges: 3 lean meat, 1 vegetable.

*******
October 18, 2010 - The picture does not do this justice. I took it as an afer-thought.

I was really impressed with this dish. The meat was so tender and the flavor was great. Matthew didn't even complain about the bell peppers! I served it with mashed potatoes and green beans. I don't make gravy very often, so I thought the juice would go well with the potatoes. It did. A-1 sauce was a really great addition to the meat too.

I did substitute the sirloin with striploin because that was what I had in my freezer.

Four Grain Bread (breadmaker)

Four Grain Bread

Ingredients

1-1/2 cups water (70° to 80°)
1/2 cup honey
1-1/2 teaspoons salt
2 cups bread flour
1 cup whole wheat flour
3/4 cup rye flour
3/4 cup cornmeal
2-1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast

Directions

In bread machine pan, place all ingredients in order suggested by manufacturer. Select basic bread setting. Choose crust color and loaf size if available.

Bake according to bread machine directions (check dough after 5 minutes of mixing; add 1 to 2 tablespoons of water or flour if needed). Yield: 1 loaf (2 pounds, 24 slices).

Nutritional Analysis: 1 slice equals 108 calories, trace fat (trace saturated fat), 0 cholesterol, 148 mg sodium, 24 g carbohydrate, 2 g fiber, 3 g protein.
Diabetic Exchange: 1-1/2 starch.

******
October 18, 2010 - I did not have any rye flour on hand, so I substituted some five grain cereal that I used in another multi-grain recipe. The result was a chewy yet crunchy texture that was just delicious! The honey flavor comes out really well too.

This bread is addictingly delicious!! Especially with homemade strawberry jam! YUM YUM YUM!!

Peanut Butter -n- Jelly Muffins

Peanut Butter -n- Jelly Muffins

Ingredients

2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
3/4 cup thawed apple juice concentrate
1/2 cup reduced-fat chunky peanut butter
1/4 cup fat-free milk
3 tablespoons butter, melted
1/3 cup strawberry spreadable fruit

Directions

In a large bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Combine the eggs, apple juice concentrate, peanut butter, milk and butter; stir into dry ingredients just until moistened.

Coat 12 muffin cups with cooking spray. Spoon half of the batter into cups. Spoon about 1-1/4 teaspoons spreadable fruit into the center of each; top with remaining batter.

Bake at 350° for 15-20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into muffin comes out clean. Cool for 5 minutes before removing from pan to a wire rack to cool completely. Yield: 1 dozen.

Nutritional Analysis: 1 muffin equals 225 calories, 8 g fat (3 g saturated fat), 43 mg cholesterol, 315 mg sodium, 33 g carbohydrate, 1 g fiber, 6 g protein.
Diabetic Exchanges: 2 starch, 1-1/2 fat.

********
Oct. 18, 2010 - I wasn't quite sure what to expect of this recipe, but I was surprised the way they turned out. The peanut butter mixes really nicely into the batter and you are left with just bits of peanuts throughout the muffin. This was a nice effect, but if I were to make them again I'd just use creamy peanut butter.

I didn't have any spreadable fruit, so I made some freezer strawberry jam and used that. The picture in the cookbook shows a nice central blob of jelly, but that certainly was not how mine turned out. The jelly oozed over the edges and seeped through the muffin wrappers. I think next time I'd creat more of a well in the middle of the batter to see if that helped to keep the jam frome spreading.

These were really convenient to have on hand as a quick to-go snack, and although I have lots of ideas for tweaking, I don't think I'll make them again.

Mixed Greens and Apple Salad

Mixed Greens and Apple Salad

Ingredients:
5 1/3 c. mixed salad greens
2 medium apples
2 TB feta cheese

Dressing:
4 tsp lemon juice
2 1/2 tsp honey
3/4 tsp vanilla yogurt
1 tsp oil
1/4 tsp garlic
salt & pepper
nutmeg

******
October 15, 2010 - I liked the flavors of the apple. It was different.

This recipe is not on the website, so I did the lazy thing and only wrote down the ingredients. The instructions were basically mix it together.

Golden Oatmeal Bread (oven, no knead)

Golden Oatmeal Bread

Ingredients
1 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon quick-cooking oats, divided
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3/4 cup unsweetened applesauce
1 egg
1-1/2 teaspoons Vanilla Extract
1/3 cup golden raisins
1/3 cup chopped pecans, toasted

Directions
In a large bowl, combine all-purpose flour, 3/4 cup of oats, whole what flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and cinnamon. In another bowl, combine the applesauce, egg and vanilla; stir into dry ingredients just until moistened. Fold in raisins and pecans.

Pour into an 8-in. x 4-in. loaf pan coated with cooking spray. Sprinkle with remaining oats. Bake at 325° for 50-55 minutes or until a toothpick inserted near the center comes out clean. Cool for 10 minutes before removing from pan to wire rack. Yield: 1 loaf (10 slices).

Nutritional Analysis: One serving (1 slice) equals 188 calories, 4 g fat (1 g saturated fat), 21 mg cholesterol, 149 mg sodium, 35 g carbohydrate, 3 g fiber, 4 g protein. Diabetic Exchanges: 2 starch, 1/2 fat.

*********
October 5, 2010 - YUM! I accidently cooked it longer than I should have, so it had a much darker look to it. This was a really hearty bread and made for a great breakfast while we waited in the Chick-fil-a parking lot in the wee hours of the morning.

Vegetarian Taco Salad

Vegetarian Taco Salad

Ingredients
4 whole wheat tortillas (8 inches)
6 cups shredded romaine
1/2 cup canned pinto beans, rinsed and drained
1 small tomato, chopped
1/4 cup shredded reduced-fat cheddar cheese
1/4 cup chopped green onions
2 tablespoons sliced ripe olives, drained
Sliced jalapeno peppers, optional

DRESSING:
1/2 cup fat-free sour cream
2 tablespoons fat-free ranch salad dressing
1 teaspoon taco seasoning
1/4 teaspoon hot pepper sauce, optional

Directions
Place four 10-oz. custard cups upside down in a shallow baking pan; set aside. Place the tortillas in a single layer on ungreased baking sheets.

Bake at 425° for 1 minute. Place a tortilla over each custard cup, pinching sides to form a bowl shape. Bake for 7-8 minutes or until crisp. Remove tortillas from cups to cool on wire racks.

In a large bowl, combine the romaine, beans, tomato, cheese, onions, olives and jalapenos if desired. In a small bowl, whisk the dressing ingredients. Pour over salad ; toss to coat. Serve in tortilla bowls. Yield: 4 servings.

Editor's Note: When cutting hot peppers, disposable gloves are recommended. Avoid touching your face.

Nutrition Facts: 1 tortilla bowl with 1-1/4 cups dressed salad equals 257 calories, 5 g fat (1 g saturated fat), 10 mg cholesterol, 485 mg sodium, 40 g carbohydrate, 6 g fiber, 11 g protein.
Diabetic Exchanges: 2 starch, 1 lean meat, 1 vegetable.

********
Sept 29, 2010 - Again, another great recipe. I enjoyed the flavor enough that it didn't bother me to not have any meat in it. This was a pretty easy dish to prepare and put together. The hardest part was waiting for the tortillas to crisp, but it was quick enough that seconds or thirds could be served up within minutes.

We don't have custard cups, so I used some smuckers ice cream bowls that we had. If I hadn't remembered the bowls I would have used my glass portion cups.

Terriyaki Turkey Burritos

Terriyaki Turkey Burritos

Ingredients
12 fat-free flour tortillas (8 inches)
1 pound lean ground turkey
1/2 cup chopped onion
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 package (16 ounces) broccoli coleslaw mix
1 tablespoon canola oil
1/3 cup reduced-sodium teriyaki sauce
1/2 teaspoon Chinese five-spice powder
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1-1/2 cups (6 ounces) shredded reduced-fat Mexican cheese blend

Directions

Wrap tortillas tightly in foil. Warm in oven at 350° for 10 minutes. Meanwhile, in a large skillet, cook the turkey, onion and garlic over medium heat until turkey is no longer pink; drain. Pour into a bowl and set aside.

In the same skillet, stir-fry broccoli in oil for 2 minutes. Add the teriyaki sauce, five-spice powder, garlic powder and pepper; cook and stir for 1 minute. Stir in cheese and turkey mixture; heat through.

Spoon about 1/2 cup filling off center on each tortilla. Fold sides and ends over fill and roll up. Place seam side down in an ungreased 13-in. x 9-in. baking dish.
Cover and bake at 350° for 20 minutes or until heated through. Yield: 6 servings.

Nutritional Analysis: 2 burritos equals 493 calories, 14 g fat (5 g saturated fat), 80 mg cholesterol, 982 mg sodium, 60 g carbohydrate, 4 g fiber, 32 g protein.

***********
September 23, 2010 - YUM. I really like the flavor of the Chinese 5 spice.

Turkey Barbecue

Turkey Barbecue

Ingredients

1 celery rib, chopped
1 medium onion, chopped
1/4 cup chopped green pepper
1 tablespoon canola oil
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup ketchup
1/4 cup picante sauce
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1-1/2 teaspoons chili powder
1 teaspoon salt
Dash hot pepper sauce
4 cups cubed cooked turkey
8 whole wheat hamburger buns, split
1/8 teaspoon pepper

Directions

In a large nonstick skillet, saute the celery, onion and green pepper in oil for 3-4 minutes or until tender. Stir in the brown sugar, ketchup, picante sauce, Worcestershire sauce, chili powder, salt, pepper and pepper sauce; bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, for 3-4 minutes. Add turkey; simmer 10 minutes longer or until heated through. Serve in buns. Yield: 8 servings.

Nutritional Analysis: 1 sandwich equals 295 calories, 7 g fat (2 g saturated fat), 53 mg cholesterol, 758 mg sodium, 33 g carbohydrate, 4 g fiber, 25 g protein.
Diabetic Exchanges: 3 lean meat, 2 starch.

****************
Sept 22, 2010 - I really liked this, but it does have a little bit of kick to it. Serve it on a bun or bread for a BBQ sandwich. I did not have turkey, so I substituted chicken.

Breaded Ravioli

Breaded Ravioli

Ingredients
1 package (16 ounces) frozen beef ravioli
1/2 cup dry bread crumbs
1/2 to 1-1/2 teaspoons salt-free Italian herb seasoning
1/4 cup reduced-fat Italian salad dressing

ITALIAN SALSA:
1 can (14-1/2 ounces) diced tomatoes, undrained
1/2 medium green pepper, quartered
1/2 small red onion, quartered
1 tablespoon minced fresh oregano or 1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 tablespoon minced fresh basil or 1 teaspoon dried basil
1 garlic clove, minced
1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon sugar

Directions

Cook ravioli according to package directions; drain and let stand for 10 minutes. In a shallow bowl, combine bread crumbs and seasoning. In another shallow bowl, pour dressing. Dip ravioli into dressing, then coat with crumb mixture.

Place on baking sheets coated with cooking spray. Lightly coat ravioli with cooking spray. Bake at 400° for 8-9 minutes or until lightly browned.

Meanwhile, in a food processor, combine the salsa ingredients. Pulse for 15-20 seconds. Serve ravioli with salsa. Yield: 6 servings.

Nutritional Analysis: 5 ravioli with 1/3 cup salsa equals 262 calories, 7 g fat (2 g saturated fat), 26 mg cholesterol, 924 mg sodium, 40 g carbohydrate, 4 g fiber, 10 g protein.
Diabetic Exchanges: 2 starch, 1 lean meat, 1 vegetable, 1 fat.

Sept 21, 2010 - I think I was the only one who really liked these. The salsa that goes with it tasted similar to a marinara sauce. We had a lot of the sauce leftover, and I think I used it to make pizza at some point.

In the cookbook, the ravioli are darker and much more crispy looking. With the way our oven works mine didn't quite make that status, so the picture shows them lighter than ideal.

Jesu, joy of man's desiring
Holy wisdom, love most bright
Drawn by Thee, our souls aspiring
Soar to uncreated light
Word of God, our flesh that fashioned
With the fire of life impassioned
Striving still to truth unknown
Soaring, dying round Thy throne

Small miracle = Huge blessing

We are out of ALL disposable diapers - including Jared's - so I pulled down the cloth diaper bin to find something that would fit Jared. I had quite CDs months because I ran out of the disposable liners. We had budgeted money to buy new ones, but ended up using the money to buy sposies instead. We budgeted a small amount for the boys' supplies again this month, but since liners have to be delivered, it's too late to order and have them when I need them. Anyway.... I opened the lid to the CD box and there in the corner was a brand new roll of liners!!! I almost cried b/c that it is such a HUGE blessing! It seems like such an insignificant thing, but it is one of those moments that I recognize as a tender mercy of the Lord. I have no doubt that He is aware of us and our needs.

Doing the Potty Dance

This weekend we made a trip to Houston with the last 2 diapers and a size 5T pullup. I really hoped that we could make it back home without being a diaper short. Unfortunately we didn't quite make it without having to use one of my nephew's diapers, but thankfully it was at the end of our journey and it was only one, so it worked. Aaron pottied in the toilet enough in the evening that it worked for the night too, but it was too full this morning to keep it on him. I woke him up this morning to go exercise and put him on the toilet. He's taken to refusing to use the toilet - or at least making a HUGE fuss about not going - but this morning there was no complaint. I wasn't sure what I was going to put on him, so I decided to just make a leap to real underwear. I tried to use the potty training underwear, but he was starting to wake up enough to have an opinion - and we did not agree. I offered him Thomas the Train underwear and that was acceptable.

My biggest fear has not been whether or not he pee in the underwear - at least not in the morning. Aaron is a creature of habit, and every morning about 9:30 (while I'm in the shower and can do nothing about it) he poops. So today instead of going straight home and getting ready for the day, we made a trip to HEB. I offered to take him potty for a horse ride, but he wasn't wanting to go. So, we just went shopping. About half way through our trip I noticed he was starting to hold himself, so we rushed to the bathroom. Successful venture :) We finished our shopping and came home.

I was debating what I was going to do about him and checking my email and facebook in the meantime. Aaron was playing down by my feet. Suddenly I caught a whiff of something and was immediately alerted to Aaron's needs. I was afraid I was too late, but I checked him and ran to the bathroom. We made it just in time! It took a little bit of time and some effort, but we had a successful experience. YAY!!! Aaron did Jessica's potty dance about 5 times b/c he was so proud of himself. I'm hoping this is a major turning point. I bought a big box of diapers from the store this morning - one of the main reasons I wanted to stop there, but I kept them in the car for now. I want to see how long we can go without having to open them. We shall see.

Black Bean and Rice Enchiladas

Black Bean and Rice Enchiladas

Ingredients

1 green pepper, chopped
1 medium onion, chopped
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 can (15 ounces) black beans, rinsed and drained
1 can (14-1/2 ounces) diced tomatoes and green chilies
1/4 cup picante sauce
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
2 cups cooked brown rice
8 flour tortillas (6 inches), warmed
1 cup salsa
1 cup (4 ounces) shredded reduced-fat cheddar cheese
3 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro leaves

Directions

In a large nonstick skillet, saute the green pepper, onion and garlic in oil until tender. Add the beans, tomatoes, picante sauce, chili powder, cumin and red pepper flakes; bring to a boil. Reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, until heated through and mixture thickens. Add rice; cook 5 minutes longer or until heated through.

Spoon a rounded 1/2 cup down the center of each tortilla. Fold sides over filling and roll up. Place in a 13-in. x 9-in. baking dish coated with cooking spray. Spoon salsa over each tortilla. Cover and bake at 350° for 25 minutes. Uncover; sprinkle with cheese and cilantro. Bake 2-3 minutes longer or until cheese is melted. Yield: 8 servings.

Nutritional Analysis: 1 enchilada equals 271 calories, 6 g fat (2 g saturated fat), 10 mg cholesterol, 638 mg sodium, 43 g carbohydrate, 5 g fiber, 12 g protein.
Diabetic Exchanges: 2-1/2 starch, 1 lean meat, 1 vegetable.

Made on Sept 17, 2010.

Variations: I didn't have a small can of black beans and I thought that the recipe as written would be too spicy for Aaron and Jared with the ro-tel. So, I used ranch style beans (not drained) and 4 fresh roma tomatoes. I think that was an excellent choice. There was still a bite to the burritos because of the salsa, but it wasn't so spicy that it wasn't edible. I really liked the cheese and cilantro on top. Sour cream would have made another nice edition, but ours had gone bad. Oops.

Review: Aaron didn't touch them, but everyone else seemed to like them. This was perfect because it used up the rice in the fridge from the stir fry I made at the beginning of the week. I also had used all the chicken in the pasta dish from last night, so the meatless aspect worked. Although, Matthew was expecting chicken so that was a bit disappointing for him.

Chicken Pasta Primavera

Chicken Pasta Primavera

Ingredients

6 ounces uncooked spaghetti
1 can (10-3/4 ounces) reduced-fat reduced-sodium condensed cream of chicken soup, undiluted
3/4 cup water
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1-1/2 teaspoons dried basil
3/4 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 package (16 ounces) frozen California-blend vegetables, thawed
4 cups cubed cooked chicken breast
3 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese

Directions

Cook spaghetti according to package directions. Meanwhile, in a large saucepan, combine the soup, water, lemon juice, basil, garlic powder, salt and pepper. Stir in vegetables; bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 3-5 minutes or until vegetables are tender.

Stir in chicken; heat through. Drain spaghetti; add to chicken mixture and toss to coat. Sprinkle with cheese. Yield: 6 servings.

Nutritional Analysis: 1-1/3 cups equals 342 calories, 5 g fat (2 g saturated fat), 78 mg cholesterol, 526 mg sodium, 36 g carbohydrate, 4 g fiber, 35 g protein.
Diabetic Exchanges: 4 very lean meat, 2 starch, 1 vegetable.

Made on Sept 16, 2010 for missionaries. I doubled the amount of veggetables because the four cups of chicken was a LOT of chicken! Apparently it was a good thing because the missionaries absolutely DEVOURED it! Everyone seemed to like it - except Aaron who is going through a phase where he's against chicken (at least boneless/skinless cubed chicken).

Family Pleasing Sloppy Joes

Family Pleasing Sloppy Joes

Ingredients

1 pound lean ground turkey
1/2 cup chopped onion
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 tablespoon sugar
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 cup ketchup
1 tablespoon prepared mustard
1 tablespoon barbecue sauce
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
6 sandwich buns, split

Directions

In a large nonstick skillet, cook the turkey and onion over medium heat until turkey is no longer pink; drain if necessary. Add garlic; cook for 1-2 minutes or until tender.

Stir in the sugar, flour and pepper. Add the ketchup, mustard, barbecue sauce and Worcestershire sauce. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 5-10 minutes or until heated through. Serve on buns. Yield: 6 servings.

Nutritional Analysis: 1 sandwich equals 388 calories, 11 g fat (4 g saturated fat), 60 mg cholesterol, 969 mg sodium, 52 g carbohydrate, 3 g fiber, 22 g protein.
Diabetic Exchanges: 3-1/2 starch, 2 lean meat.

Made on Sept 15, 2010. I used venison instead of turkey because that is what I had in my freezer. I really enjoyed these. Sloppy joes are one of those meals that everyone makes differently. I LOVE my mom's and it is always a treat to have them. So, I wasn't sure how these would fare, but I found myself craving them every day since then. We'd ate them on bread with cheese on top. YUM!

Light and Tasty 2006 Menu

Under Construction

Almost There

On the last leg of our roadtrip, we started calling our potty stops 'Mandatory Potty Breaks' requiring all passengers to go potty - including Aaron. Amazingly, Aaron complied and thus began our journey on the potty training path once again. It helped that he got a really bad diaper rash and Matthew told him that in order to avoid getting an owie diaper he needed to go potty in the toilet. We have some good days and bad days, but way more good days than bad. He is still unwilling to poop in the toilet, but he did get to a point where he'd tell us he needed to go potty. Although, about two days ago he all of a sudden developed a phobia with the toilet. It turns out that the idea of pipes in the toilet were scary to him. Guess who introduced him to pipes? The same person who is trying to train him to be an airbender or waterbender or whatever bender he feels suits him at the moment :p Anyway, today I finally got him to tell me it was the pipes that were worrying him, so I explained that pipes were helpers. And I'd give him chocolate if he went. Chocolate is magic :) We seem to be making our way back from the pipe scare.

update

I know I've been bad about updating. My life has been consumed by resuming piano lessons and school schedules. When I have felt like I had something to write, I didn't want to take the time it would take it to actually get it up on the blog. So, the moment passed and now I don't even remember what it was I had to say.

On August 31st I officially cancelled my WW subscription. I realized that losing weight was no longer my top priority, so there was no point in paying for a service I wasn't utelizing. I am still interested in losing weight, I am just not going to devote the energy to it that I had before. My hope at this point is to really not gain any more. Thankfully I've been doing well with that. Last Sunday my weight was the exact same as when I returned from vacation. I'm sure eating the free breakfast at Chik-fil-a every day stalled any hopes of weight loss, b/c this week there was no Chik-fil-a and I am pleased to report that I weighed in at 150.1!! Today I was back down to my end of school year weight. So my weight has caught up, but the inches haven't. I still have some extra fat that I acquired from my lack of discipline, but the daily exercise seems to be keeping the growth at bay at least. My SIL's biggest loser competition #3 started again today so I'll have some form of accountability.

I did really well with providing dinner the first week of school. This week was the pits. I really need to get a menu prepared and do some shopping. S inspired me this week. It's so nice to have a fridge full of leftovers to choose from, I want that again. I think menu planning would make a fine Sunday activity, don't you? :p

Weigh in

Ok, I'm a few days late, but here's how things stand with my weight:

Before I left, I weighed 150.8 on July 17th and 151.5 on July 18th. August 14th I was up to 156.7, but by Sunday, the 15th, I was down to 154.5. I weigh myself on the off scale every day, and until today I've been dropping. My guess is that it's all 'water-weight' because it's leaving my system so fast. I'm sure it helps that I've been more active since I've been home (and I'm not being fed delicious home cooked meals or fast food every day). Unfortunately (but not surprising) the extra padding I came home with isn't disappearing, but I'm hoping that will come off when we start walking again next week. yay! I'm secretly hoping that once we start walking regularly again I'll be able to drop these extra pounds quickly and even break the 150 barrier while I'm at it. We'll see though.

Back from the Vacated State

Well, after 3 1/2 weeks of eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, today it was back to the grind - kind of. I tried to be good, but I'm so out of practice that my body revolted a little bit. I got up with Matthew when he went to work and stayed up. So, breakfast was early and my little 3 point breakfast was scarce compared to the belgian waffle, sausage patty, egg, and juice I've enjoyed every day for a week. I tried to stay busy though and didn't eat again until 11. The boys wanted french toast and eggs, so I had one french toast w/ jam for lunch, plus a half cup of cereal mix for a snack. Then around 4 I was starving, so I shared our leftovers from Mamacitas with the boys. It was 1/4 beef and cheese quesadilla with a little bit of refried beans and rice. Dinner was at 6 ish and I made whole grain spaghetti (thank you Kim) with sauce and green beans. I was surprised at how tasty the spaghetti was and that the noodles cook up white just like regular spaghetti. I did have a few other snacks in the day - another 1/2 c of cereal mix, one starburst candy, several slices of bread, 100 cal cupcake (1 pt)w/ milk.... But considering all this, I still think I did pretty good today compared to my eating habits on the trip.

I had a mental bet going on how many pounds I gained from this trip. My clothes that had been baggy are now fitting better and when I walk I can feel the jiggle. The optomistic side of me was figuring 5 pounds but the realist side said 10. Just for the heck of it I weighed myself last night and the off scale said 158. I took it with a grain of salt b/c it was the end of the day, so I re-weighed this morning and was only 155.8. I had hoped to weigh on the Wii for a more accurate result, but it wouldn't work. I'll do an official weigh in tomorrow morning now that Matthew has fixed the problem. So for now, I'll say both sides won.

School starts on the 23rd, so I look forward to getting back into an exercise routine. I figure if I can just worry about getting my body used to not eating so much again, I'll be better off than I was and hopefully the weight will disappear as easily as it materialized.

Charity Never Faileth

We are visiting relatives who are not LDS, but are surrounded - literally surrounded - by those who are. Of these members, one is a drug addict, another is a cheat, and another is busy with 5 children and has no time for an elderly neighbor. A major political figure in the town is also LDS and apparently not a good representation for the church either. Another member works with one of these relatives and hardly ever comes to work. Glowing reports, eh? Today the lesson in Relief Society was on friendship - ironic considering the report I'm getting from my non-LDS family. The teacher literally told us that she does not make friends out of the church because they are boring. WHAT?! I so wanted to call her on her attitude, but she didn't see my hand. I too struggle to maintain friendships with those who are not members of the church, but it is because *I* am the one lacking, not them. With my family being surrounded by members, I can't help but think that there is a great opportunity here but because of the poor example of others there is a sour taste in their mouths. It makes me sad and upset.

I am thinking more and more that though we have so much to offer with the knowledge that we have, we do a poor job of living our beliefs. I am in such awe at the level of service rendered by this family to each other as well as to the community. I am so grateful for my family's humbling example of selflessness and loyalty to each other. As a result of this visit, I have a desire to be more involved in my community and to get to know my neighbors. We have a responsibility to do so. It's easy to make excuses because we're busy with our church lives and raising our family, but how will our children learn if we don't set the example for them? And how will we change the lives of those around us if we aren't a part of their sphere?

On Vacation

I wish that I had internet access readily accessible more often. I've needed to talk food so badly. Vacation and car travel are a great challenge to losing or maintaining weight loss. The good news is that by being in the mountains I automatically lose 5 pounds on the scale. I wish that it translated to the body too. Though I still need to wear a belt, my pants are getting tighter. I've pretty much eaten whatever I've wanted and how much I wanted. It's kind of nice to take the mental break, but I know it will make it that much harder to return to a healthy diet when we get home. The good news is that my exercise routine will start again in just 3 weeks. But it stinks to have to redo what I undid.

Last week marked the end of the BL2 challenge. Unfortunately I wasn't able to weigh in an accurate weight, so I have no idea how it ended for me. And by the time I get home in another 2 weeks, I'm sure I'll have gained at least 5 pounds. Oh well.

Ode to Joy

Today marks the day of 'what might have been' had it been the Lord's will. Although, with the way my births have gone, I probably would have delivered this weekend or earlier. This date (July 12th) has loomed in the back of my mind for days, but for the moment there is no real sadness in those thoughts. It is surreal to think that there could have been a new baby being integrated into our family right now. Our experiences of the last seven months would have been drastically different than what they were - and not always for the better judging how I was when I was pregnant with Aaron.

As I mowed the lawn this morning, I began compiling an "I am so blessed" list in my mind. From the mundane and trite to the not so much so, here is what I've come up with so far (in no particular order)....

1) I can mow the lawn myself instead of waiting on someone else to do it.
2) I can keep up with my boys.
3) I am not in constant pain.
4) I am able to love on my boys without having to divide my attention among three (or four if you count Matthew in there too ;) ) and enjoy their relationship with each other as best friends.
5) I am able to go on an insane 3 1/2 week long cross-country road trip at the end of the month.
6) I am able to maintain and even enlarge my piano teaching business.
7) I've been able to spend the last seven months working on getting to my goal weight (and largely succeeding).
8) Though there are moments of sadness - usually spurred by hormone changes, the Lord has given me peace.
9) We don't have to worry about doctor bills we can't pay.
10) I have incredible friends and family who have loved me and supported me in a myriad of ways.
11) We weren't really ready anyway.
12) If it had to happen, the timing and events couldn't have been better.
13) My body held on to that fetus as long as possible to give it every chance to grow if it were going to grow, so that there was no wondering or opportunity for me to think "if only"
14) There are so many others who've waited a LONG time for a baby who are getting one this summer, and I'd gladly give up my turn for them.
15) I can sleep on my back. or side. or tummy. Heck, I get to sleep!!

The list could go on and on. The Lord is mindful of me - of us. I am so grateful once again for a loving doting Father in Heaven who has encircled me in the arms of His love, allowed me to mourn, and then show me a new way. He knew of my goal to be 150 when I got pregnant again, and when I didn't succeed the first time, He gave me a second chance. I'm not saying that's why I miscarried, just that the Lord does care about what we want and will help provide a way for us to accomplish our goals. Of all things, I am grateful for my Father in Heaven and my knowledge of the plan of salvation. And through the Atoning sacrifice of our Savior, we were able to be sealed together in the temple as a forever family. How blessed I am!

An update - Finally!

I'm alive, really! My apologies for neglecting you, and unfortunately this will be a short - ha ha - update as the hour is once again drawing late, and I need to start going to bed at a decent hour.

First off, I want to thank all of you who have commented on my pictures and commended me on my efforts. I appreciate that support very much. All of your thoughtful words have meant a great deal to me :)

One of the purposes behind all the pictures was to help keep me motivated, but unfortunately instead I got comfy in my clothes ... and all of a sudden I don't care about point values... and too much sugar doesn't make me ill anymore :/ Two weeks passed without any exercise, and though the scale has been gracious, I can feel my body getting comfy with all that food I've consumed.

The Lord is amazing. He is such a loving doting Father, and so often He helps me fulfill my every desire. There is no doubt that He wants me to reach my goal - maybe even more than I do :p - because I wanted it. One of the setbacks I've had is staying up way later than is reasonable, so by the time I get up, the morning is gone and I'm too tired to excercise - or too busy with the needs of the day. So, Friday night I was thinking to myself that it would be really nice if I could get up with Matthew in the morning when he leaves for work and exercise - like my routine used to be. I have tried that a couple of times in the last few weeks, but was too tired to do anything so I should have just stayed in bed. It would have been more productive. But anyway, Saturday morning I woke up at 7 am feeling so refreshed and wanting to work out. I debated the treadmill or P90X, but I settled on the P90X (cardioX) because it's a full body workout and all the places I'm feeling the need is where I'd be working it with the video. I was able to do the *whole* video. Before I'd kind of get lazy with some of the yoga positions, but I did it all! I was really sweaty at the end, but I was pretty proud of myself for being able to make it through the whole video and not feel the effects of it (though I certainly did today). And the whole rest of the day kind of fell into place too. I actually made dinner! I finished a baby carrier, did a TON of laundry, the dishes - the whole day was productive. It was like I found myself again. It was really nice. I know it was with the help of the Lord that it happened.

Down to business - Weigh ins (because it needs to be updated):

July 4th 151.2
July 10th 151.0

It's only a .2 difference, but I'll take it!! It's a loss!

I'll be going on a 3 1/2 weeks long road trip in a few weeks, so I'm anxious about how that will work out. I expect there's a chance that by the time I get home I'll be in the 'Hello clothes I just quit wearing b/c you were too big. I fit in you again' stage. Eating and road trips just go hand in hand. *sigh*

Hello and Goodbye

Instead of going back to sleep this morning, I got up and have done a whole lot of nothing. One of those bits of nothing is playing dressup with the clothes in the closet. I tried on just about every article of clothing I own to determine it's status. Some of them I already knew wouldn't fit, but I put them on to say goodbye to them. So, in honor of my weight loss journey, here's a few (ok, more than a few) pictures as I stroll down memory lane and find clothes to make new memories with (sorry some of them are so fuzzy and the lighting is bad):

Clothing over the years-

You know those weight loss commercials where the person who lost the weight shows their old huge pants? I always doubted their authenticity b/c it would be easy enough to purchase a pair of pants for the commercial. But, here's my version. These really are the pants I wore. These are a size 26W. As I pulled these out today, I realized it is no wonder that my YW don't recognize me. In fact, at a recent Relief Society activity one of my young women was standing right next to me and didn't know who I was until she heard my voice.


Early on in our marriage after I'd started gaining weight, there was a day when Matthew put my pants on just for the heck of it. Both of his legs fit in one of my pant legs. It was a bit devastating to me, but it didn't stop the weight gain. Twelve years later now both of my legs can fit in them too!


Growing up, one of the things I wanted was a denim dress or skirt. The first year that Texas had its sales tax holiday, I found this denim dress at Montgomery Wards. I was so thrilled and excited to FINALLY have one of my own, and I wore it all the time! It's a size 20W.




Matthew's cousin's bar mitzvah was in November of 2006, and my mother in law was kind enough to support a trip to Maryland to celebrate with them. Part of that support was some funds to purchase a new outfit for the occasion. I settled on this blouse, size XL:




I had a previously purchased black skirt to go with that blouse, but wanted another blouse that fit the style. I found this 1X blouse at Dress Barn:




This was the first blouse I purchased when I started losing weight a couple of years ago. I was so proud of myself because it was only a 14/16W. I bought it for a Dining Out (formal military dinner) in 2007 or '08. By the way, the black skirt in the following pictures is the aforementioned black skirt - size 20W.




I found this blouse in JcPennys during the sales tax holiday. It's a size Petite XL




Another Dining Out blouse. It's a size Large from Dress Barn. This one was last year's (May 2009)




This velvet blouse was a garage sale leftover. I've been wanting one just like this, so I was more than happy to put it in my closet. It has yet to be worn for a special occassion, but when the time comes it is ready and waiting :) It is a size Medium.




One of my favorite items of clothing that I will be sad to see leave my wardrobe. It is a size 12 jacket, but it fits big so I could wear it when I was a size 16. Now that I'm closer to a 10/12, it hangs on me. The blouse had also become a standard in my Sunday attire.



Size 12 Jeans - Levi 550 and Riders Relaxed (unfortunately the camera didn't focus so great, so it's really hard to see. Sorry)




Size 10 spandex pants. wow!



For Sharon -

I will never wear these clothes because they are not me, but it was kind of fun to put them on and see that they fit.



Again, these pants are not my style. But, I suppose with the right blouse even these could pass off as a decent wear (but they are too big and are staying in the 'give-away' pile.


For my mom -

Mom made this dress for me when I was a young woman (teenage years). It is yellow with age and sweat stains, but it hangs in my closet out of respect for the memories and love in it. It's kind of fun to know that I could fit in it again. Doesn't it say 90s all over it?!




I dared to open the maternity box today too. When I was pregnant this winter and outgrowing my regular pants, none of my clothes fit. My maternity ones were too big and my regular ones were too small. I have a size 10 and size 12 panel pants in the box that I tried on today. The size 10 fit perfectly and the size 12 were too big. So, when I get pregnant again, at least I know I have one pair that I can use at least and another that would work in a pinch. Although, I think I have enough clothes I've shrunk out of that I probably won't really need maternity clothes at all.

Now having assessed my wardrobe, I don't feel quite so frustrated or out of control. Though most of my Sunday skirts are a size 16, they can pass as wearable for the time being because they fit at my hips - like low riders. I do need Sunday blouses though. So, when I shop, I'll have something specific to look for :)

Modestly Yours

Women who are truly comfortable with their bodies don't have to prove anything to anyone, and they know it. They understand that their value doesn't come from other people's acceptance, but from their own. The women who are most in control of their bodies, I believe, are the ones who don't have to make any apologies for withholding something from others.

My cousin introduced me to this blog awhile back, and I love her discussions. The above quote comes from a discussion about the nude body being portrayed as a work of art and how that falls with modesty. Her statements resonates with me.

I highly recommend a visit to her blog. She has some great topics regarding modesty and our modern world.

Here we go again....

Well, I ran out of diaper liners so the CD are on the back burner. I should have just ordered some new ones because the price of 100 of those is the same as a package of 30 diapers. But, I didn't. So, we're in sposies for the time being.

Yesterday we had an interesting experience though that has set us back on the potty traing (PT) path. I sent Jared to shower in preparation for his trip to OK with Matthew. Aaron wanted to shower too, but I wasn't going to really help him in his efforts. He had gotten his shorts and diaper off by the time Jared finished in the tub, so he ended up spending some time just in his shirt. Oh he was so excited about being naked. Then all of a sudden he started pleading for a diaper. I recognized that he wanted the diaper to go potty in, so I told him that if he needed to go potty he had to go use the toilet. He still wanted a diaper, but once I offered him candy for using the toilet he took off without any complaint! Sure enough, he went potty in the toilet. The rest of the day he did pretty good too. We went over to my parents' house and I wondered how that would go, but he stood at the toilet and went with the no problem! YAY! We did go out in public, and though he tried to use the toilet, he just couldn't. I'm impressed he was willing to try at least.

This morning the first thing he said to me was that he peed in the bed - meaning he wet his diaper. He used the toilet a couple of times today, but he went in his diaper more. It'd be kind of cool if he were PT by the time Matthew and Jared get home, but I doubt we'll be that successful. And actually, now would not be the best time to be PT because we're having a huge road trip at the end of July. Aye that could make for a longer drive if we have to stop and take him potty that often. We'll see though. This is about the time that Jared got potty trained too.

Mixed Review

After eating ice cream and a macadamia nut cookie late last night, I thought for sure my weigh in wouldn't go quite so great today. My pre-weigh-in weigh in looked promising though b/c the 'off' scale showed me at 149.4. I used to feel pretty confidant it accurately measured the trend, even if the actual weight was off, but then I had that one weigh-in recently where there was a 3 or 4 pound difference. So, since then I've taken that weight with a heavy dose of salt instead of just a grain. Anyway, apprehensively I did my Wii Weigh-in and was pleasantly surprised to see my weight had not changed at all from the day before. YAY!! 150.1 was today's weight. I'm not sure if it would really count as reaching my goal because it's .1 off, but it's pretty dang close! I think I mentioned yesterday that I'd feel satisfied that I really did reach my goal if I can either maintain or lose another pound for next week's weigh in. The Lettuce Eat Cake round 2 ends July 1st, so we'll see how I stand for that before I call it.

Now, having said all that.... that was the exciting part of the day. I went to get ready for church and just ended up feeling so frustrated. It doesn't matter whether clothes are too tight or too big, it's hard to be comfortable when your clothes don't fit. I didn't feel like being cute today. I wanted to be comfortable, and the one skirt I felt like I could be comfortable in was hanging off my hips, and I had a hard time finding a blouse long enough to go with it. I even tried on blouses that have been given to me recently and they're too big. It made me wonder if losing weight was really worth it. Silly thoughts I know. The answer is - yes it is and it's time to go shopping! But I really didn't feel like going shopping. I wanted my clothes that I have grown comfortable with and loved. I remembered the blue skirt I made had been washed and was hanging up in my closet. Apparently next time I make a skirt, I need to remember to account for shrinkage.

The other day at playgroup we thought it would be fun to do a closet trade or something along those lines. Just go through each other's closets and 'shop' the clothes that no longer fit. We've all got wide ranges of clothes - whether too big or too small - that we haven't parted with but don't wear. This morning I was wishing I could do that. I was also wishing I hadn't given away all those size 10 clothes in December, but I had no idea at the time that I'd just be 7 months away from fitting in them. There's a reason I have a hard time parting with stuff.....

I mentioned to someone that I had a hard time finding something to wear this morning because my clothes are too big, and the response was sarcasm about having such a problem. I have come to realize that there comes a point where people stop rooting for you quite so much and feel more jealousy instead. I feel uncomfortable sharing excitement or milestones about my weight loss efforts (outside of my blog which was purposed for this journey) because I don't want to draw too much attention to it. When I had my big weight loss effort a few years ago, it seemed like all the ladies in the ward were on the same kick and it was a group effort. There was one person who began the trend and was like a beacon to us. If she can do it - and she looks great - we can too. I am grateful for her example and contagious enthusiasm. As someone who looked up to her for her accomplishments, I didn't really pay attention to anything other than her inspiration. I don't consider myself a beacon by any means, but I know my weight loss has been dramatic and heads turn as a result. I feel like at this point that it's not just my girl friends looking though, but some of the guys are too and it makes me uncomfortable. If I were single, it wouldn't bother me. But I am not. Instead I want to cover myself and hide. Where is that hijab again? Although I did have an experience yesterday at the store that made me laugh. I was at the end of an aisle with the cart on one side and the item I was looking at on the other side. I was taking up the whole area going back and forth between the cart and the products when I noticed an older man in a wheel chair waiting to get down the aisle. I told him I was sorry, and he responded, 'What are you sorry for?' I explained that I was apologizing for being in the way, to which he said something like, 'There's nothing to be sorry about when there's a pretty girl to look at while you wait.' It took me by surprise, and for some reason it didn't bother me. Maybe because I didn't know him and he was outspoken in his opinions.

Anyway, enough spewing. I had gone to Ross recently and browsed their clothes. I saw a lot of skirts and blouses I'd love to have hang in my closet but money is always an issue. I wondered this morning how I'd fund a new wardrobe. I don't know if it really is an answer to my musings, but someone approached me at church today about piano lessons - for 3 kids! One lesson for each of them would fund at least one new outfit - maybe 2. We'll see, but something has to happen about the clothes hanging in my closet.

Finish Line

I am nearing the finish line of my weight goal. Friday there was a 'bet' that I've reached my goal of 150. The Lettuce Eat Cake contest ends next week, and as of today I'm pretty dang close. 150.1 was my weigh in. yay me!! I'll accept it if I can maintain it over the next week.

New Effort Day 2

I spent yesterday running errands, so I took a break from the yard. My body was really stiff though. My hamstrings were so tight it felt funny to walk. Yes, pulling weeds is definitely a workout :p

Since I took a break yesterday, this morning I tackled the back yard. I trimmed a bunch of small tress that were growing around a big tree so that I could actually get to the grass. Then I mowed. I don't know how my piano student managed to be done so quickly when he mowed. It took me 45 minutes, but maybe I did a little more thorough job too. It's so nice to look out the windows at this point - both front and back - and see a nice looking yard. Well, a better-than-it-was looking yard. I still have a LOT of trimming to do in the back - and then hauling :p ugh

Now if only I felt like being so productive on the inside of my house too!

****

I've decided I'm ready to do a little bit of clothes shopping, but I'm going to work from the inside out. I got some measuring done yesterday and the lady looked at me really funny when I told her what size I've been wearing. We had to explain that I've been losing weight because I think she thought I was crazy.

Being Realistic

My goal to exercise every day by walking or doing P90X really went out the window after day 1. This week I've decided to have a new plan of action. Although my exercise habit was effective (and essential) during the school year, there were times when it was frustrating for me because I wished I could have spent the morning working in the yard instead. Piano lessons pretty much went out the window this week, so I had more time in the mornings than I had expected. So, I went to work in the front yard. At the end of the school year, one of my students bartered lessons with lawn mowing. Now he is gone for the summer, so I need to stay on top of it. Plus, he didn't do the trimming or other yard tasks that ought to be done as well. The other night I was walking to our front door and realized we only had about 18 inches of our sidewalk visible. The rest was overgrown grass which bothered me a lot. The front flowerbed has been an eyesore for a while and way overgrown. Yesterday I went to work trimming and raking and weeding. My legs are sore from fighting with plants.

Today I mowed the lawn, trimmed the edges and pulled the rest of the grass up in the flowerbed. There is still alot of work to do in the front and the back is even worse. It is so nice to have the time to actually focus and WORK in the yard. I realized today that exercising in the same manner I had been may not be practical every day of the summer, so instead I will do what I want to do and accomplish two goals at once. I have long since believed that our bodies were meant to be used to work. The type of modern exercise we do is a counterfeit. It works, but we would be fit and healthy just by being involved in manual labor. Although I believe this, I am not very good at it. So this summer I want to spend my mornings working in the yard. By the time I get all the trimming done, it'll be time to make the rounds again ;p I think the backyard is going to take a lot of effort because the trees are so overgrown. Hopefully this effort will reduce the mosquito population as well.

I am hoping/thinking that by focusing my exercise efforts this way, I will see weight loss and more toned muscles in the areas that need it. I guess we can call this the work experiment :)

I love the freedom of summer. I find it ironic that I feel like I can accomplish more with school out and Jared home than when school is in session. I think I felt the opposite his first day of pre-k lol I guess our perspective changes over time. Either way, I am grateful for the freedom time allows me.

Yo-Yo and hijabs

So after weighing in at 155.3 yesterday, today I'm at 153.2. I feel like a yo-yo :p Of course, Friday night I did eat quite a bit. And yesterday. Well, I didn't eat a lot yesterday, just what I ate was high point - stuffed crust pizza. YUM! I only had 1 1/2 pieces but since the boys don't eat the crust, I eat their's. It's the best part!

Today I am wearing my new blue skirt. I managed to pull the waistline down to my waist. It fits, but boy is it tight. If I wore one of those tummy control top things I could probably get away with wearing it like that, but I don't feel like being that uncomfortable.

I feel a little bit vain and silly. I know that thinness is attractive, and I know that I have beauty potential. I felt like dressing up today since I'm wearing my new skirt, but as I was getting ready I wondered what the point really was. Matthew is working today, so it's not like I'm doing it for him. I don't want my efforts to cause trouble for others. As I was pondering this issue the other day, I realized the beauty of hijabs - the long robes that cover a woman while in public in the Muslim faith. It is not about oppression, but about intimacy and modesty. Only those who really need to know get to know. I was going to take a picture and add it to the post and hope for oohs and ahs and pats on the back, but I think I'll go scrub my face and change out of my clothes and into a long billowing robe instead.