Today marks the day of 'what might have been' had it been the Lord's will. Although, with the way my births have gone, I probably would have delivered this weekend or earlier. This date (July 12th) has loomed in the back of my mind for days, but for the moment there is no real sadness in those thoughts. It is surreal to think that there could have been a new baby being integrated into our family right now. Our experiences of the last seven months would have been drastically different than what they were - and not always for the better judging how I was when I was pregnant with Aaron.
As I mowed the lawn this morning, I began compiling an "I am so blessed" list in my mind. From the mundane and trite to the not so much so, here is what I've come up with so far (in no particular order)....
1) I can mow the lawn myself instead of waiting on someone else to do it.
2) I can keep up with my boys.
3) I am not in constant pain.
4) I am able to love on my boys without having to divide my attention among three (or four if you count Matthew in there too ;) ) and enjoy their relationship with each other as best friends.
5) I am able to go on an insane 3 1/2 week long cross-country road trip at the end of the month.
6) I am able to maintain and even enlarge my piano teaching business.
7) I've been able to spend the last seven months working on getting to my goal weight (and largely succeeding).
8) Though there are moments of sadness - usually spurred by hormone changes, the Lord has given me peace.
9) We don't have to worry about doctor bills we can't pay.
10) I have incredible friends and family who have loved me and supported me in a myriad of ways.
11) We weren't really ready anyway.
12) If it had to happen, the timing and events couldn't have been better.
13) My body held on to that fetus as long as possible to give it every chance to grow if it were going to grow, so that there was no wondering or opportunity for me to think "if only"
14) There are so many others who've waited a LONG time for a baby who are getting one this summer, and I'd gladly give up my turn for them.
15) I can sleep on my back. or side. or tummy. Heck, I get to sleep!!
The list could go on and on. The Lord is mindful of me - of us. I am so grateful once again for a loving doting Father in Heaven who has encircled me in the arms of His love, allowed me to mourn, and then show me a new way. He knew of my goal to be 150 when I got pregnant again, and when I didn't succeed the first time, He gave me a second chance. I'm not saying that's why I miscarried, just that the Lord does care about what we want and will help provide a way for us to accomplish our goals. Of all things, I am grateful for my Father in Heaven and my knowledge of the plan of salvation. And through the Atoning sacrifice of our Savior, we were able to be sealed together in the temple as a forever family. How blessed I am!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
An update - Finally!
I'm alive, really! My apologies for neglecting you, and unfortunately this will be a short - ha ha - update as the hour is once again drawing late, and I need to start going to bed at a decent hour.
First off, I want to thank all of you who have commented on my pictures and commended me on my efforts. I appreciate that support very much. All of your thoughtful words have meant a great deal to me :)
One of the purposes behind all the pictures was to help keep me motivated, but unfortunately instead I got comfy in my clothes ... and all of a sudden I don't care about point values... and too much sugar doesn't make me ill anymore :/ Two weeks passed without any exercise, and though the scale has been gracious, I can feel my body getting comfy with all that food I've consumed.
The Lord is amazing. He is such a loving doting Father, and so often He helps me fulfill my every desire. There is no doubt that He wants me to reach my goal - maybe even more than I do :p - because I wanted it. One of the setbacks I've had is staying up way later than is reasonable, so by the time I get up, the morning is gone and I'm too tired to excercise - or too busy with the needs of the day. So, Friday night I was thinking to myself that it would be really nice if I could get up with Matthew in the morning when he leaves for work and exercise - like my routine used to be. I have tried that a couple of times in the last few weeks, but was too tired to do anything so I should have just stayed in bed. It would have been more productive. But anyway, Saturday morning I woke up at 7 am feeling so refreshed and wanting to work out. I debated the treadmill or P90X, but I settled on the P90X (cardioX) because it's a full body workout and all the places I'm feeling the need is where I'd be working it with the video. I was able to do the *whole* video. Before I'd kind of get lazy with some of the yoga positions, but I did it all! I was really sweaty at the end, but I was pretty proud of myself for being able to make it through the whole video and not feel the effects of it (though I certainly did today). And the whole rest of the day kind of fell into place too. I actually made dinner! I finished a baby carrier, did a TON of laundry, the dishes - the whole day was productive. It was like I found myself again. It was really nice. I know it was with the help of the Lord that it happened.
Down to business - Weigh ins (because it needs to be updated):
July 4th 151.2
July 10th 151.0
It's only a .2 difference, but I'll take it!! It's a loss!
I'll be going on a 3 1/2 weeks long road trip in a few weeks, so I'm anxious about how that will work out. I expect there's a chance that by the time I get home I'll be in the 'Hello clothes I just quit wearing b/c you were too big. I fit in you again' stage. Eating and road trips just go hand in hand. *sigh*
First off, I want to thank all of you who have commented on my pictures and commended me on my efforts. I appreciate that support very much. All of your thoughtful words have meant a great deal to me :)
One of the purposes behind all the pictures was to help keep me motivated, but unfortunately instead I got comfy in my clothes ... and all of a sudden I don't care about point values... and too much sugar doesn't make me ill anymore :/ Two weeks passed without any exercise, and though the scale has been gracious, I can feel my body getting comfy with all that food I've consumed.
The Lord is amazing. He is such a loving doting Father, and so often He helps me fulfill my every desire. There is no doubt that He wants me to reach my goal - maybe even more than I do :p - because I wanted it. One of the setbacks I've had is staying up way later than is reasonable, so by the time I get up, the morning is gone and I'm too tired to excercise - or too busy with the needs of the day. So, Friday night I was thinking to myself that it would be really nice if I could get up with Matthew in the morning when he leaves for work and exercise - like my routine used to be. I have tried that a couple of times in the last few weeks, but was too tired to do anything so I should have just stayed in bed. It would have been more productive. But anyway, Saturday morning I woke up at 7 am feeling so refreshed and wanting to work out. I debated the treadmill or P90X, but I settled on the P90X (cardioX) because it's a full body workout and all the places I'm feeling the need is where I'd be working it with the video. I was able to do the *whole* video. Before I'd kind of get lazy with some of the yoga positions, but I did it all! I was really sweaty at the end, but I was pretty proud of myself for being able to make it through the whole video and not feel the effects of it (though I certainly did today). And the whole rest of the day kind of fell into place too. I actually made dinner! I finished a baby carrier, did a TON of laundry, the dishes - the whole day was productive. It was like I found myself again. It was really nice. I know it was with the help of the Lord that it happened.
Down to business - Weigh ins (because it needs to be updated):
July 4th 151.2
July 10th 151.0
It's only a .2 difference, but I'll take it!! It's a loss!
I'll be going on a 3 1/2 weeks long road trip in a few weeks, so I'm anxious about how that will work out. I expect there's a chance that by the time I get home I'll be in the 'Hello clothes I just quit wearing b/c you were too big. I fit in you again' stage. Eating and road trips just go hand in hand. *sigh*
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