Hello and Goodbye

Instead of going back to sleep this morning, I got up and have done a whole lot of nothing. One of those bits of nothing is playing dressup with the clothes in the closet. I tried on just about every article of clothing I own to determine it's status. Some of them I already knew wouldn't fit, but I put them on to say goodbye to them. So, in honor of my weight loss journey, here's a few (ok, more than a few) pictures as I stroll down memory lane and find clothes to make new memories with (sorry some of them are so fuzzy and the lighting is bad):

Clothing over the years-

You know those weight loss commercials where the person who lost the weight shows their old huge pants? I always doubted their authenticity b/c it would be easy enough to purchase a pair of pants for the commercial. But, here's my version. These really are the pants I wore. These are a size 26W. As I pulled these out today, I realized it is no wonder that my YW don't recognize me. In fact, at a recent Relief Society activity one of my young women was standing right next to me and didn't know who I was until she heard my voice.


Early on in our marriage after I'd started gaining weight, there was a day when Matthew put my pants on just for the heck of it. Both of his legs fit in one of my pant legs. It was a bit devastating to me, but it didn't stop the weight gain. Twelve years later now both of my legs can fit in them too!


Growing up, one of the things I wanted was a denim dress or skirt. The first year that Texas had its sales tax holiday, I found this denim dress at Montgomery Wards. I was so thrilled and excited to FINALLY have one of my own, and I wore it all the time! It's a size 20W.




Matthew's cousin's bar mitzvah was in November of 2006, and my mother in law was kind enough to support a trip to Maryland to celebrate with them. Part of that support was some funds to purchase a new outfit for the occasion. I settled on this blouse, size XL:




I had a previously purchased black skirt to go with that blouse, but wanted another blouse that fit the style. I found this 1X blouse at Dress Barn:




This was the first blouse I purchased when I started losing weight a couple of years ago. I was so proud of myself because it was only a 14/16W. I bought it for a Dining Out (formal military dinner) in 2007 or '08. By the way, the black skirt in the following pictures is the aforementioned black skirt - size 20W.




I found this blouse in JcPennys during the sales tax holiday. It's a size Petite XL




Another Dining Out blouse. It's a size Large from Dress Barn. This one was last year's (May 2009)




This velvet blouse was a garage sale leftover. I've been wanting one just like this, so I was more than happy to put it in my closet. It has yet to be worn for a special occassion, but when the time comes it is ready and waiting :) It is a size Medium.




One of my favorite items of clothing that I will be sad to see leave my wardrobe. It is a size 12 jacket, but it fits big so I could wear it when I was a size 16. Now that I'm closer to a 10/12, it hangs on me. The blouse had also become a standard in my Sunday attire.



Size 12 Jeans - Levi 550 and Riders Relaxed (unfortunately the camera didn't focus so great, so it's really hard to see. Sorry)




Size 10 spandex pants. wow!



For Sharon -

I will never wear these clothes because they are not me, but it was kind of fun to put them on and see that they fit.



Again, these pants are not my style. But, I suppose with the right blouse even these could pass off as a decent wear (but they are too big and are staying in the 'give-away' pile.


For my mom -

Mom made this dress for me when I was a young woman (teenage years). It is yellow with age and sweat stains, but it hangs in my closet out of respect for the memories and love in it. It's kind of fun to know that I could fit in it again. Doesn't it say 90s all over it?!




I dared to open the maternity box today too. When I was pregnant this winter and outgrowing my regular pants, none of my clothes fit. My maternity ones were too big and my regular ones were too small. I have a size 10 and size 12 panel pants in the box that I tried on today. The size 10 fit perfectly and the size 12 were too big. So, when I get pregnant again, at least I know I have one pair that I can use at least and another that would work in a pinch. Although, I think I have enough clothes I've shrunk out of that I probably won't really need maternity clothes at all.

Now having assessed my wardrobe, I don't feel quite so frustrated or out of control. Though most of my Sunday skirts are a size 16, they can pass as wearable for the time being because they fit at my hips - like low riders. I do need Sunday blouses though. So, when I shop, I'll have something specific to look for :)

Modestly Yours

Women who are truly comfortable with their bodies don't have to prove anything to anyone, and they know it. They understand that their value doesn't come from other people's acceptance, but from their own. The women who are most in control of their bodies, I believe, are the ones who don't have to make any apologies for withholding something from others.

My cousin introduced me to this blog awhile back, and I love her discussions. The above quote comes from a discussion about the nude body being portrayed as a work of art and how that falls with modesty. Her statements resonates with me.

I highly recommend a visit to her blog. She has some great topics regarding modesty and our modern world.

Here we go again....

Well, I ran out of diaper liners so the CD are on the back burner. I should have just ordered some new ones because the price of 100 of those is the same as a package of 30 diapers. But, I didn't. So, we're in sposies for the time being.

Yesterday we had an interesting experience though that has set us back on the potty traing (PT) path. I sent Jared to shower in preparation for his trip to OK with Matthew. Aaron wanted to shower too, but I wasn't going to really help him in his efforts. He had gotten his shorts and diaper off by the time Jared finished in the tub, so he ended up spending some time just in his shirt. Oh he was so excited about being naked. Then all of a sudden he started pleading for a diaper. I recognized that he wanted the diaper to go potty in, so I told him that if he needed to go potty he had to go use the toilet. He still wanted a diaper, but once I offered him candy for using the toilet he took off without any complaint! Sure enough, he went potty in the toilet. The rest of the day he did pretty good too. We went over to my parents' house and I wondered how that would go, but he stood at the toilet and went with the no problem! YAY! We did go out in public, and though he tried to use the toilet, he just couldn't. I'm impressed he was willing to try at least.

This morning the first thing he said to me was that he peed in the bed - meaning he wet his diaper. He used the toilet a couple of times today, but he went in his diaper more. It'd be kind of cool if he were PT by the time Matthew and Jared get home, but I doubt we'll be that successful. And actually, now would not be the best time to be PT because we're having a huge road trip at the end of July. Aye that could make for a longer drive if we have to stop and take him potty that often. We'll see though. This is about the time that Jared got potty trained too.

Mixed Review

After eating ice cream and a macadamia nut cookie late last night, I thought for sure my weigh in wouldn't go quite so great today. My pre-weigh-in weigh in looked promising though b/c the 'off' scale showed me at 149.4. I used to feel pretty confidant it accurately measured the trend, even if the actual weight was off, but then I had that one weigh-in recently where there was a 3 or 4 pound difference. So, since then I've taken that weight with a heavy dose of salt instead of just a grain. Anyway, apprehensively I did my Wii Weigh-in and was pleasantly surprised to see my weight had not changed at all from the day before. YAY!! 150.1 was today's weight. I'm not sure if it would really count as reaching my goal because it's .1 off, but it's pretty dang close! I think I mentioned yesterday that I'd feel satisfied that I really did reach my goal if I can either maintain or lose another pound for next week's weigh in. The Lettuce Eat Cake round 2 ends July 1st, so we'll see how I stand for that before I call it.

Now, having said all that.... that was the exciting part of the day. I went to get ready for church and just ended up feeling so frustrated. It doesn't matter whether clothes are too tight or too big, it's hard to be comfortable when your clothes don't fit. I didn't feel like being cute today. I wanted to be comfortable, and the one skirt I felt like I could be comfortable in was hanging off my hips, and I had a hard time finding a blouse long enough to go with it. I even tried on blouses that have been given to me recently and they're too big. It made me wonder if losing weight was really worth it. Silly thoughts I know. The answer is - yes it is and it's time to go shopping! But I really didn't feel like going shopping. I wanted my clothes that I have grown comfortable with and loved. I remembered the blue skirt I made had been washed and was hanging up in my closet. Apparently next time I make a skirt, I need to remember to account for shrinkage.

The other day at playgroup we thought it would be fun to do a closet trade or something along those lines. Just go through each other's closets and 'shop' the clothes that no longer fit. We've all got wide ranges of clothes - whether too big or too small - that we haven't parted with but don't wear. This morning I was wishing I could do that. I was also wishing I hadn't given away all those size 10 clothes in December, but I had no idea at the time that I'd just be 7 months away from fitting in them. There's a reason I have a hard time parting with stuff.....

I mentioned to someone that I had a hard time finding something to wear this morning because my clothes are too big, and the response was sarcasm about having such a problem. I have come to realize that there comes a point where people stop rooting for you quite so much and feel more jealousy instead. I feel uncomfortable sharing excitement or milestones about my weight loss efforts (outside of my blog which was purposed for this journey) because I don't want to draw too much attention to it. When I had my big weight loss effort a few years ago, it seemed like all the ladies in the ward were on the same kick and it was a group effort. There was one person who began the trend and was like a beacon to us. If she can do it - and she looks great - we can too. I am grateful for her example and contagious enthusiasm. As someone who looked up to her for her accomplishments, I didn't really pay attention to anything other than her inspiration. I don't consider myself a beacon by any means, but I know my weight loss has been dramatic and heads turn as a result. I feel like at this point that it's not just my girl friends looking though, but some of the guys are too and it makes me uncomfortable. If I were single, it wouldn't bother me. But I am not. Instead I want to cover myself and hide. Where is that hijab again? Although I did have an experience yesterday at the store that made me laugh. I was at the end of an aisle with the cart on one side and the item I was looking at on the other side. I was taking up the whole area going back and forth between the cart and the products when I noticed an older man in a wheel chair waiting to get down the aisle. I told him I was sorry, and he responded, 'What are you sorry for?' I explained that I was apologizing for being in the way, to which he said something like, 'There's nothing to be sorry about when there's a pretty girl to look at while you wait.' It took me by surprise, and for some reason it didn't bother me. Maybe because I didn't know him and he was outspoken in his opinions.

Anyway, enough spewing. I had gone to Ross recently and browsed their clothes. I saw a lot of skirts and blouses I'd love to have hang in my closet but money is always an issue. I wondered this morning how I'd fund a new wardrobe. I don't know if it really is an answer to my musings, but someone approached me at church today about piano lessons - for 3 kids! One lesson for each of them would fund at least one new outfit - maybe 2. We'll see, but something has to happen about the clothes hanging in my closet.

Finish Line

I am nearing the finish line of my weight goal. Friday there was a 'bet' that I've reached my goal of 150. The Lettuce Eat Cake contest ends next week, and as of today I'm pretty dang close. 150.1 was my weigh in. yay me!! I'll accept it if I can maintain it over the next week.