Mixed Review

After eating ice cream and a macadamia nut cookie late last night, I thought for sure my weigh in wouldn't go quite so great today. My pre-weigh-in weigh in looked promising though b/c the 'off' scale showed me at 149.4. I used to feel pretty confidant it accurately measured the trend, even if the actual weight was off, but then I had that one weigh-in recently where there was a 3 or 4 pound difference. So, since then I've taken that weight with a heavy dose of salt instead of just a grain. Anyway, apprehensively I did my Wii Weigh-in and was pleasantly surprised to see my weight had not changed at all from the day before. YAY!! 150.1 was today's weight. I'm not sure if it would really count as reaching my goal because it's .1 off, but it's pretty dang close! I think I mentioned yesterday that I'd feel satisfied that I really did reach my goal if I can either maintain or lose another pound for next week's weigh in. The Lettuce Eat Cake round 2 ends July 1st, so we'll see how I stand for that before I call it.

Now, having said all that.... that was the exciting part of the day. I went to get ready for church and just ended up feeling so frustrated. It doesn't matter whether clothes are too tight or too big, it's hard to be comfortable when your clothes don't fit. I didn't feel like being cute today. I wanted to be comfortable, and the one skirt I felt like I could be comfortable in was hanging off my hips, and I had a hard time finding a blouse long enough to go with it. I even tried on blouses that have been given to me recently and they're too big. It made me wonder if losing weight was really worth it. Silly thoughts I know. The answer is - yes it is and it's time to go shopping! But I really didn't feel like going shopping. I wanted my clothes that I have grown comfortable with and loved. I remembered the blue skirt I made had been washed and was hanging up in my closet. Apparently next time I make a skirt, I need to remember to account for shrinkage.

The other day at playgroup we thought it would be fun to do a closet trade or something along those lines. Just go through each other's closets and 'shop' the clothes that no longer fit. We've all got wide ranges of clothes - whether too big or too small - that we haven't parted with but don't wear. This morning I was wishing I could do that. I was also wishing I hadn't given away all those size 10 clothes in December, but I had no idea at the time that I'd just be 7 months away from fitting in them. There's a reason I have a hard time parting with stuff.....

I mentioned to someone that I had a hard time finding something to wear this morning because my clothes are too big, and the response was sarcasm about having such a problem. I have come to realize that there comes a point where people stop rooting for you quite so much and feel more jealousy instead. I feel uncomfortable sharing excitement or milestones about my weight loss efforts (outside of my blog which was purposed for this journey) because I don't want to draw too much attention to it. When I had my big weight loss effort a few years ago, it seemed like all the ladies in the ward were on the same kick and it was a group effort. There was one person who began the trend and was like a beacon to us. If she can do it - and she looks great - we can too. I am grateful for her example and contagious enthusiasm. As someone who looked up to her for her accomplishments, I didn't really pay attention to anything other than her inspiration. I don't consider myself a beacon by any means, but I know my weight loss has been dramatic and heads turn as a result. I feel like at this point that it's not just my girl friends looking though, but some of the guys are too and it makes me uncomfortable. If I were single, it wouldn't bother me. But I am not. Instead I want to cover myself and hide. Where is that hijab again? Although I did have an experience yesterday at the store that made me laugh. I was at the end of an aisle with the cart on one side and the item I was looking at on the other side. I was taking up the whole area going back and forth between the cart and the products when I noticed an older man in a wheel chair waiting to get down the aisle. I told him I was sorry, and he responded, 'What are you sorry for?' I explained that I was apologizing for being in the way, to which he said something like, 'There's nothing to be sorry about when there's a pretty girl to look at while you wait.' It took me by surprise, and for some reason it didn't bother me. Maybe because I didn't know him and he was outspoken in his opinions.

Anyway, enough spewing. I had gone to Ross recently and browsed their clothes. I saw a lot of skirts and blouses I'd love to have hang in my closet but money is always an issue. I wondered this morning how I'd fund a new wardrobe. I don't know if it really is an answer to my musings, but someone approached me at church today about piano lessons - for 3 kids! One lesson for each of them would fund at least one new outfit - maybe 2. We'll see, but something has to happen about the clothes hanging in my closet.