Musings

I have not exercised since my CardioX stint. I think my emotional well-being is tied in to that as well because it hasn't been as good as it had the week before when I was being active. The good news is that the Lettuce Eat Cake contest is being resurrected starting Monday. Maybe that will help with the motivation, though I know the heart of it is that I need exercise buddies. I need someone to exercise with and be accountable to. Someone within my ward boundaries. I need friends in my ward. I feel cut off from everyone, but I recognize that it is only in my head. I just need to do my part to reach out to them. In my analyzing of my NJ experience, I was reminded that I went through this there as well in the beginning. Reaching out to people made a huge difference. At least in NJ there was an email sent out every week so there was at least some way to communicate with everyone. Here there is nothing - no facebook friends, no email list. I have debated sending out a mass email suggesting a walking group but have wondered at the appropriateness of it.

And then of course I wonder if it is worth the effort when I don't know how much longer we will be here. Our lease ends Oct 30 and Matthew's orders end Sept 30th. He failed the PT test due to shin splints so he is flagged and the intended 90 day orders can no longer be given to him until he passes a mid-Oct PT test. He's been going to physical therapy and getting help, but the timing is so tricky. We got a notice from the apartment complex about our lease ending and needing notice by the end of September our intent to renew or by the 1st if we are not. The month to month option is a $300 increase in our rent, though either way our rent will be increasing by $100 if we renew with a 9 - 12 month lease. Since Matthew is flagged, they are going to put him on AT orders for the month of October and then if he passes his PT test they'll give him the 90 day orders which brings us through January. And then what? That's only 4 months - no lease option there. Do we go ahead and sign another 6 month lease (which cost they did not enumerate in the letter)? I feel at such a loss. It finally occurred to me today that the answer I seek would come through prayer.  I am ashamed to admit that it took this long to realize that :/

In other thoughts, Peter is 2 calendar months old today. I am enjoying getting to know him. I can tell when he is excited not by his smiles b/c they are still kind of rare, but by the way he grunts and fidgets. One of his favorite things to do is practice standing. He will grip our thumbs and we can say "stand up" or "sit down" or "sit up" and he will tense his muscles and pull himself into whatever position. He prefers to be in an upright position and will often try to sit up when I lay him down on his back propped up. Today he was especially intent on practicing standing. I loved watching the determination on his face as he not only stood up, but then would pick up a foot and place it back down. It was taking a lot of effort and he got upset that his body tired so easily. I just kissed him and told them I knew his body couldn't do everything his spirit could do, but it would get there. His determination and perseverance is inspiring. As I think about all the strengthening his muscles have to do to get from one stage to the next (rolling, sitting, crawling, standing, pulling up, and finally walking) and the time it takes to get there, reminds me that obtaining my own goals takes time (and determination) as well.

Sometimes I have a hard time believing he is still so young because he's gotten so chunky and his spirit is so robust. I am thankful he is part of our family.