Do - Overs

From the Institute manual -

Elder Henry B. Eyring of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles commented on his experience years before teaching Hosea to his early morning seminary classes:

“The book of Hosea, like the writings of Isaiah, uses what seem to me almost poetic images. The symbols in Hosea are a husband, his bride, her betrayal, and a test of marriage covenants almost beyond comprehension. … Here are the fierce words of the husband, spoken after his wife has betrayed him in adultery: [Hosea 2:6–7].

“He goes on (through verse 13) to describe the punishment she deserves, and then comes a remarkable change in the verse that follows. … : [Hosea 2:14–15, 19–23].

“At that early point in the story, in just two chapters, even my youngest students knew that the husband was a metaphor for Jehovah, Jesus Christ. And they knew that the wife represented his covenant people, Israel, who had gone after strange gods. They understood that the Lord was teaching them, through this metaphor, an important principle. Even though those with whom he has covenanted may be horribly unfaithful to him, he would not divorce them if they would only turn back to him with full purpose of heart.

“I knew that too, but even more than that, I felt something. I had a new feeling about what it means to make a covenant with the Lord. All my life I had heard explanations of covenants as being like a contract, an agreement where one person agrees to do something and the other agrees to do something else in return.

“For more reasons than I can explain, during those days teaching Hosea, I felt something new, something more powerful. This was not a story about a business deal between partners, nor about business law. … This was a love story. This was a story of a marriage covenant bound by love, by steadfast love. What I felt then, and it has increased over the years, was that the Lord, with whom I am blessed to have made covenants, loves me, and you, … with a steadfastness about which I continually marvel and which I want with all my heart to emulate” (Covenants and Sacrifice [address to religious educators, 15 Aug. 1995], pp. 1–2).

I am grateful the Lord believes in do-overs. I know that words have great power - for good or ill. I often fail in the parenting department - especially as my boys get older and we butt heads more often. 

This morning I was focused on preparing my singing time and was stressed to get it finished. Jared came in to tell me how hungry he was and my basic reaction was to tell him (in a not very kind voice), 'I'm sorry. I warned you last night. Go shower we are in a hurry.' At the end of the conversation he walked off crying. He did go to the bathroom, but nothing was happening. As I thought about the exchange, I realized I wasn't very compassionate. I finished up what I was doing and knocked on the bathroom door to try talk to him. He wasn't very responsive at first. It wasn't until I told him I wanted a do-over that he let me in (since he was still dressed and hadn't made any progress towards showering). I apologized for not being very compassionate and asked for a do-over. He complied, so we started the conversation over. I had to prompt him ;) This time when he told he was hungry, I put my arm around him and my response in a much softer voice was, "I know you are hungry. Today is fast Sunday. You are old enough to choose for yourself whether you will fast or not. You can make that choice yourself, but if you choose to eat, you need to hurry and shower so you will have time. We need to leave in 20 minutes. You can think about it while you are in the shower and decide what you want to do. Ok?" He said ok and a few minutes later the shower was going. Ultimately he chose to fast, but the important part was that our relationship was strengthened instead of strained, and I gave him the power over his situation. 

While Jared was off doing his thing, Aaron was asking me what he was good at (a result of a brief conversation last night when I highlighted that Jared was awesome at taking care of Peter. Aaron was seeking validation of his Peter skills). I told him I'd tell him the list after he got ready for church. He quickly complied and I shared his list over breakfast:

'You're good at being helpful, quickly obeying, thinking of others, being a friend, reading the scriptures and remembering the stories, being affectionate, giving hugs' (There were a few more I mentioned and he thought of some himself too)

I think he was floating on happy thoughts after that. He was really good at church and extra affectionate in a peaceful contented sort of way. In fact, he even decided to share his testimony during sacrament mtg today. When he told me he wanted to go up there, I told him that a testimony is sharing what you believe. He thought about it for a moment. We have been focusing on the temple in our Family Home Evening lessons the last few weeks as we prepare for the Ogden Temple dedication, so his thoughts were about the temple. He told me he knew what he'd say, and I had him rehearse it with me. With a little direction from me (like don't mention the trip to Sonic), he shared that 'We went to the temple as a family the other day, and I know the temple is a blessing. I believe the temple is the house of God. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen." He was really nervous and asked me to go up there with him. I was happy to oblige and hold his hand. He couldn't remember what he was going to say once he got in front of the microphone, but he did pretty good for a first timer :) I was pleased he took that initiative. When we got back to our seats he told me he felt so happy and that he couldn't wait to share his testimony again next week. He was disappointed to learn that he wouldn't get to because it is a regular Sunday, but fortunately he gets to give the talk in Primary so he could do it there. 

When we got home I told Jared how proud I was that he made the decision to fast even though he really wanted to eat. Aaron asked if I was proud of him for sharing his testimony before I got a chance to say it. I told him, yes I am. He told me that when one of the other Primary children got up to bare her testimony he thought, if she could do it, I can. He thought maybe there was an age restriction since there has been a lot of talk of that with the temple dedication. I told him, nope. The only requirement is that you can share your beliefs without help. 

The rest of the day the boys have played so well together. It has been music to my ears. So many of our moments lately have been of Jared taunting Aaron. It is exhausting, but I recognize that the way I respond makes the difference. Today they were both validated and built up and peace reigned.

1. 1. Let us oft speak kind words to each other
   At home or where'er we may be;
   Like the warblings of birds on the heather,
   The tones will be welcome and free.
   They'll gladden the heart that's repining,
   Give courage and hope from above,
   And where the dark clouds hide the shining,
   Let in the bright sunlight of love.
2. (Chorus)
   Oh, the kind words we give shall in memory live
   And sunshine forever impart.
   Let us oft speak kind words to each other;
   Kind words are sweet tones of the heart.
3. 2. Like the sunbeams of morn on the mountains,
   The soul they awake to good cheer;
   Like the murmur of cool, pleasant fountains,
   They fall in sweet cadences near.
   Let's oft, then, in kindly toned voices,
   Our mutual friendship renew,
   Till heart meets with heart and rejoices
   In friendship that ever is true.
4. 1. Text: Joseph L. Townsend, 1849-1942
      Music: Ebenezer Beesley, 1840-1906