How to show faith in the face of Obstacles and Challenges

So today was the day of my talk. I had read and prayed and worried and thought for days. Just as a refresher, my topic was how to show faith in the face of obstacles and challenges. Earlier this week I knelt in sincere prayer and my mind was enlightened to this:

Have faith in the Savior, believe him and act according to his commands. Breaks down to taking care of the poor and needy = service.
ex Neighbor hurricane Sandy going from house to house seeing if there was a need he could help with ex reaching out to a new member of the ward 

I turned to Alma 34 and saw this:

17 Therefore may God grant unto you, my brethren, that ye may begin to exercise your ^afaith unto repentance, that ye begin to ^bcall upon his holy name, that he would have mercy upon you;
28 And now behold, my beloved brethren, I say unto you, do not suppose that this is all; for after ye have done all these things, if ye^aturn away the ^bneedy, and the ^cnaked, and visit not the sick and afflicted, and ^dimpart of your substance, if ye have, to those who stand in need—I say unto you, if ye do not any of these things, behold, your ^eprayer is ^fvain, and availeth you nothing, and ye are as ^ghypocrites who do deny the faith.
 29 Therefore, if ye do not remember to be ^acharitable, ye are as dross, which the refiners do cast out, (it being of no worth) and is trodden under foot of men.

I spent the next several days reading and studying chapters 31 - 34 and saw and felt so much from this study, I had no idea how to convey it in a coherent form. I realized I was spending a lot of time on the faith portion of it that I had not even taken into account the part about challenges. I looked up adversity in the lds.org database and discovered Elder Ballard's talk from this last conference and felt that it was everything I was trying to convey. Unfortunately I can't just re-read his talk. As I looked at other talks I discovered one from Elder Eyring that was a lesson on Alma 31 - 34. Again, just what I was thinking!! There were a few other talks that seemed especially relevant like Elder Anderson's on repentance.

Yesterday I was able to spend a good portion of my morning studying and trying to flush it out. I have pages of notes from my study of the Alma chapters. I could see that there was a connection regarding prayer between the Zoramites, Alma and the teachings of Amulek. I also felt like what I was looking for was a lesson on charity. My family responsibilities kept me from spending more time on it until the evening when the boys were in bed. I continued to go in circles until I made a promise to work until the laundry was done then go to bed and figure it out in the morning.

By the time I went to bed Aaron was awake. I got him taken care of and then went to bed. As soon as I laid down he was at the door asking for me to snuggle with him otherwise he wouldn't be able to go  back to sleep. So I went to bed with Aaron at 2 am and was woken by Matthew at 6 am to go our bed. I did NOT want to get up this morning. I finally managed to pull myself up about 8:30. I spent the morning continuing to make notes. It helped to print all the pages I was looking at online because then I could highlight the thoughts that seemed most relevant. Soon I had to refresh for my  Primary lesson too and all I could do was pray and hope something came out good. I mentioned to Matthew I thought it would be nice if I could have someone sit with my class during sharing time so I could finish thinking. He was supposed to teach that hour but no one showed up so he surprised me and took over the class so I could go work again. By the end of that hour I had a coherent talk.

I was feeling so nervous and shaky today. Part of the pressure I felt was knowing this was my first talk in the ward - my introduction of sorts. Since the assignment came by email, I am betting that the Bishopric member who asked me didn't even know me by sight because he passed me several times while I sat in the hall and never said a word. I had made a comment about speaking today on FB so I had several people comment to me about being ready and encouraging me. When I sat down on the stand I was trembling! I was relieved to see I was the second speaker. The men I sat beside were very kind and offered a somewhat calming presence. As the meeting began, I could see the tender mercies of the Lord unfolding. The opening hymn was How Great Thou Art - one of my favorite and very communing one for me - and the Sacrament hymn was In Humility Our Savior - another favorite. Music is so vital to me as a centering force. The next tender mercy was that our housemate offered the opening prayer. He was aware I had sat at that table for hours and knew I was struggling with the talk. He offers very heart felt prayers and this one was no different. He prayed for us as the speakers and for them as a congregation. He also happened to mention the need to serve each other - the very point I hoped to get across. During the sacrament I prayed some more and let my mind just open up and try to imagine what I was going to say. The ideas flowed and felt right. I took a few notes and hoped I could get them out of my head and into the microphone.

The other pressure was wondering if our topics would overlap. Remember how I said I didn't feel that my old talk was quite right? I kept feeling like it was the basics and I needed to take it a step further. The youth speaker covered faith - and quite well. (Good thing his was a short talk too b/c I made up for it) I was impressed with his ability to cover the topic clearly and concisely. He used the quotes from Alma 32:21. Interestingly, the closing speaker gave the rest of my old talk - the experiment on the word and even used their own experience with infertility.  He did take it a step beyond and covered repentance which was one of the topics I kept feeling I should harp on a bit but never quite made it in my talk.

So what did I actually say? I have no idea what all I said. I just got up and started talking and touched on just a few of the quotes I'd pulled! ha :) As Matthew and I were pulling up into the parking lot before church I had told him of the concern I felt about what kind of impression I was going to make with this first talk. He said it couldn't be any worse than his after he first arrived here (I have never heard him give a bad talk) and then he said he thinks it may have even been a similar topic. I told him that my initial thought had been to talk about the challenge of the last year but didn't really know how to and tie it in or if I even wanted to. He understood. I told him that in case it comes out anyway, would he mind if I shared details. He of course did mind and said he'd prefer I didn't. I said ok and that was that. Well I kept my promise but I also was true to my feeling.

I began by introducing myself and sharing that I grew up in TX and lived there until we arrived here in August. I told them my first thought when I received the topic was our recent experience with the move. I mentioned that Matthew had lived here for a year while I stayed behind to sell the house so I got to be a single parent for a year to our two boys. I shared the opposition and resistance I experienced from family and friends at the reality of me moving. I shared the vision the Lord gave me of the garden as I mourned the friendships I would not make with those moving into the ward as I prepared to leave. I didn't blog about this vision but I journaled it. Basically each of us is a plant in a garden and sometimes transplants have to be made for the mutual benefit of everyone. I told the members that I had visited the ward once when we dropped Matthew off a year ago and yet I felt a homesickness for them. I don't know why, but obviously we need each other. I thanked them for their examples and fellowshipping.  Then I started moving into the rest of my talk.

My second impression about the topic was that our faith is in Jesus Christ.  What does that mean and how does it influence our life?  Even in our hardest and darkest times and circumstances, do our actions and thoughts reflect our belief or faith and hope that Jesus is the Son of God who came to earth,”suffering pains and ^aafflictions and^btemptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will ^ctake upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

 12 And he will take upon him ^adeath, that he may ^bloose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to ^csuccor his people according to their infirmities.”? (Alma 7:11-12)

Elder Eyring said

My purpose today is to assure you that our Heavenly Father and the Savior live and that They love all humanity. The very opportunity for us to face adversity and affliction is part of the evidence of Their infinite love. God gave us the gift of living in mortality so that we could be prepared to receive the greatest of all the gifts of God, which is eternal life. Then our spirits will be changed. We will become able to want what God wants, to think as He thinks, and thus be prepared for the trust of an endless posterity to teach and to lead through tests to be raised up to qualify to live forever in eternal life.

It is clear that for us to have that gift and to be given that trust, we must be transformed through making righteous choices where that is hard to do. We are prepared for so great a trust by passing through trying and testing experiences in mortality. That education can come only as we are subject to trials while serving God and others for Him.

I think at this point I gave a nod to our housemate about his prayer and his example of service. 

I then told them that I was studying Alma 31 - 34 and wanted them to compare the prayers of these groups of people. First the Zoramites and then Alma:

Alma and his teaching companion Amulek had gone to the land of the Zoramites – people who once had the fullness of the gospel and turned away from it. If you recall, these are the people who built the tower called Rameumptom (meaning the holy stand) and offered the same prayer once a week about how they were separated from their brethren as the chosen people of God and how grateful they were to know there should be no Christ because no one could know the future. Then they went home and never spoke of God again until they returned to their pulpit and offered the same prayer the following week. Their hearts were set on the things of the world and thus turned away the poor and the needy.

Contrast the Zoramite prayer with that of Alma as he prepared himself for the challenges he faced as a missionary. The italics are an emphasis of things prayed for that we can emulate.

 31 O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul ^ain Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these ^bafflictions which shall come upon me, because of the iniquity of this people. (I emphasized that Alma recognized affliction would come because of the choices of these people and that sometimes our trial is the result of other people's actions)

 32 O Lord, wilt thou comfort my soul, and give unto me success, and also my fellow laborers who are with me…yea, even all these wilt thou comfort, O Lord. Yea, wilt thou comfort their souls in Christ.

 33 Wilt thou grant unto them that they may have strength, that they may ^abear their afflictions which shall come upon them because of the iniquities of this people.

 34 O Lord, wilt thou grant ^aunto us that we may have success in bringing them again unto thee in Christ.

 35 Behold, O Lord, their ^asouls are precious, and many of them are our brethren; therefore, give unto us, O Lord, power and wisdom that we may bring these, our brethren, again unto thee. (I pointed out that Alma prayed for these wicked people and recognized that they were of worth even though they would cause them afflictions). 

At this point I could feel the Spirit strong and could tell others felt it as well. There was power in that part of my message. 

I should have left it at those two prayers but then I read Amulek's teaching on prayer in Alma 34:17-30 (people started falling asleep here. I should have gone straight from vs 17 to 29 & 30. I pointed out that unless we taking care of the poor and the needy - not just physically by emotionally and spiritually, then our prayers are in vain. We could be praying like Alma but unless we serve others it is of no worth) and then the Ammonites example as they took in the poor of the Zoramites in 35:9: 

And he breathed out many threatenings against them. And now the people of Ammon did not fear their words; therefore they did not cast them out, but they did receive all the poor of the Zoramites that came over unto them; and they did ^anourish them, and did clothe them, and did give unto them lands for their inheritance; and they did administer unto them according to their wants.

I asked them who do they most identify with? Are they like the Zoramites who come to church once a week and feel great about themselves and take no thought the rest of the week? Or are they like Alma? or even the people of Ammon who took care of the poor and then provided lands of inheritance - our land of inheritance is eternal life.

I think at this point I moved to Elder Ballard's talk:

 Only when our testimony transcends what is in our mind and burrows deep into our heart will our motivation to love and to serve become like unto the Savior’s. It is then, and only then, that we become deeply converted disciples of Christ empowered by the Spirit to reach the hearts of our fellowmen.

When our hearts are no longer set upon the things of this world, we will no longer aspire to the honors of men or seek only to gratify our pride (see D&C 121:35–37). Rather, we take on the Christlike qualities that Jesus taught:

• • 
  We are gentle and meek and long-suffering (see D&C 121:41).
• • 
  We are kind, without hypocrisy or guile (see D&C 121:42).
• • 
  We feel charity toward all men (see D&C 121:45).
• • 
  Our thoughts are always virtuous (see D&C 121:45).
• • 
  We no longer desire to do evil (see Mosiah 5:2).
• • 
  The Holy Ghost is our constant companion, and the doctrines of the priesthood distill upon our souls as the dews from heaven (see D&C 121:45–46).
• ...
• How do we make this change? How do we ingrain this love of Christ into our hearts? There is one simple daily practice that can make a difference for every member of the Church, including you boys and girls, you young men and you young women, you single adults, and you fathers and mothers.
  That simple practice is: In your morning prayer each new day, ask Heavenly Father to guide you to recognize an opportunity to serve one of His precious children. Then go throughout the day with your heart full of faith and love, looking for someone to help. Stay focused, just like the honeybees focus on the flowers from which to gather nectar and pollen. If you do this, your spiritual sensitivities will be enlarged and you will discover opportunities to serve that you never before realized were possible.
  President Thomas S. Monson has taught that in many instances Heavenly Father answers another person’s prayers through us—through you and me—through our kind words and deeds, through our simple acts of service and love.
  And President Spencer W. Kimball said: “God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other” (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball [2006], 82)."
  I shared a time when I was feeling really low and realized I was too much in myself and needed to get outside my box, so I started making phone calls and reaching out to others. In turn, I was lifted as well.
  My final thought came from Alma 33:21-23

  21 O my brethren, if ye could be healed by merely casting about your eyes that ye might be healed, would ye not behold quickly, or would ye rather harden your hearts in ^aunbelief, and be ^bslothful, that ye would not cast about your eyes, that ye might perish?
   22 If so, wo shall come upon you; but if not so, then cast about your eyes and ^abegin to believe in the Son of God, that he will come to redeem his people, and that he shall suffer and die to ^batone for their sins; and that he shall ^crise again from the dead, which shall bring to pass the ^dresurrection, that all men shall stand before him, to be ^ejudged at the last and judgment day, according to their^fworks.
   23 And now, my brethren, I desire that ye shall ^aplant this word in your hearts, and as it beginneth to swell even so nourish it by your faith. And behold, it will become a tree, ^bspringing up in you unto ^ceverlasting life. And then may God grant unto you that your^dburdens may be light, through the joy of his Son. And even all this can ye do if ye ^ewill. Amen.
  

  
  

I would like to say I felt a relief when I sat down but I didn't stop shaking for awhile after church. I was told that it was a good talk and I think my experience with moving resonated with several people because this a transient ward and long hours away from spouses is pretty typical. I feel like I covered what I was supposed to. The only quote I wished I had remembered to give was this from Elder Anderson's talk:

For most, repentance is more a journey than a one-time event. It is not easy. To change is difficult. It requires running into the wind, swimming upstream. Jesus said, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me.” ¹⁸ Repentance is turning away from some things, such as dishonesty, pride, anger, and impure thoughts, and turning toward other things, such as kindness, unselfishness, patience, and spirituality. It is “re-turning” toward God.

Sometimes in our repentance, in our daily efforts to become more Christlike, we find ourselves repeatedly struggling with the same difficulties. As if we were climbing a tree-covered mountain, at times we don’t see our progress until we get closer to the top and look back from the high ridges. Don’t be discouraged. If you are striving and working to repent, you are in the process of repenting.

As we improve, we see life more clearly and feel the Holy Ghost working more strongly within us.

But, the closing speaker covered repentance well enough that I really didn't need to. When I looked at the clock as I sat down, there was 15 min left of the meeting and we still needed to sing an intermediate hymn. I had heard the closing speaker mention to the Bishopric member that his talk wasn't very long. It wasn't really but we ended about 5 minutes late because I had eaten into his time.

I am so grateful for the prayers offered on my behalf today. I needed them and I felt them. The Lord offered his mercies and I can honestly say I felt more like myself today than I have in awhile. I've missed that companionship with Heavenly Father. I needed this talk and the opportunity to "re-turn toward God."