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I am sure you have guessed by now that I am not keeping up with my running. Since Thanksgiving I did my training one more time and haven't done it since. I used the treadmill set on a slight incline and by the end I was totally popped. I walked the last 6 minutes. My desire has vacated leaving a note of guilt and an expanding waist line. I am sure I will have to start from scratch again. I was set to run my next 5k this week. This morning the dog begged me to walk him, and I would have acquiesced except that his leash and harness have disappeared upstairs where he resides these days.

I participated in a cookie exchange last weekend. Once again I ate all the cookies (but at least it wasn't 16 dozen this time - more like 2). Cookie exchanges are my nemesis. I do not bake cookies anymore unless there is a guarantee they are leaving the house because I have absolutely no self control. They are too easy to just pop in my mouth at the slightest thought or craving.

Weight watchers sent me their annual "we have a new program you should try for a discount" email. I don't think I am quite ready to go there, but my eating is out of control right now and with not exercising on top of it, I will have a big problem real soon if I don't get control of myself. I am already to the point that my jeans are tight so I only want to wear loose-fitting clothes. The problem with those kind of apparel is that you lulled into carnal security. When your clothes are squeezing the life out of you you are very aware of your body's size and want to do something about it.

I had started writing a post a few months ago about selfishness and never got to finish it. I wish I would have because I think I could use that kind of pep talk right now. The basic gist is whether it is selfish to take the time to exercise or selfish to spend the time doing other things that need to get done. I need to see things from the perspective that it is not selfish to take care of your body. It is like two selves battling it out - the healthy self and the careless self. There are a lot of balls that I have been dropping lately. I am reminded of the scripture Mosiah 3:19 

For the ^anatural ^bman is an ^cenemy to God, and has been from the ^dfall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he ^eyields to the enticings of the Holy ^fSpirit, and ^gputteth off the ^hnatural man and becometh a ⁱsaint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a ^jchild, ^ksubmissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

I need to get myself in order. I feel like hormones are playing a huge role in my ability to do that though. I spend at least one week a month in the depths of depression and by the time I recover I have a week or two to catch up before the roller coaster heads south again. I think I feel it so acutely these days because I am with myself too much. I need to get out of the house and see the sun, feel the air, be with other people and serve. (Of course my daily walks would help a lot and yet I hinder myself by not going. ) Blah.

Anyway, I need to do something so I must stop typing and get up and move.