Despite the weight loss, I have been feeling really flabby. My arms are a large source of discontentment in that regard. I remember being in 7th grade and watching my math teacher writing on the chalkboard - more specifically, I remember watching the skin under her arms flap as she wrote on the chalkboard - and promising myself that I would never let that happen to me. I am always aware of my arms, but become even more aware as I teach my piano students and catch a flap from my under arm in my peripheral vision as I point to something on the page. blech When I was doing P90x regularly the muscles were getting toned enough that the flap was disappearing - and it stayed that way for awhile after we started walking all the time too because I was pushing a stroller. But, Aaron has been at home most days lately so the arms aren't getting that extra work out. And it is showing. I feel soft in the middle and on my arms -- and in my resolve.
This has been a bad week for food. I've stayed within my total point allotment (daily and weekly), but I've eaten more than my stomach is used to anymore so I've felt so stuffed. This feeling has certainly contributed to the flabby feel I'm sure. Monday I had dinner at my parents', Tues was a Carl's Jr hamburger - I was SO hungry for a hamburger. I don't remember the last time I ate a restaurant burger. I had the points for it, so I went for it. YUM. Wed Jared earned a trip to Mr. Gatti's - there's a reason you don't see skinny people at buffets. Oh I was stuffed. Thursday Matthew came home with free Chikfila coupons, so we ate there. Friday I made mac n cheese with sausage for dinner, then Saturday was a birthday party. I don't think my body got a single healthy meal this week!! I've totally failed on the not eating after 9 pm goal too.
The last few days I've been so worn out too. Part of that is my fault because I stayed up late reveling in the quiet of the house while half the family was out of town. It caught up with me when everyone returned and the workload doubled again. I'm sure my choice of cuisines played a part in it too. And hormones.
After I inputed my weight for WW, I got this message from the system:
Please note:You’re probably excited to be losing weight, but you’re losing faster than is recommended. Although it’s normal to lose over 2 lbs in 1 week, if you lose more than an average of 2 lbs per week over a 4-week period, this could pose health risks, such as heart irregularities, anemia or loss of muscle mass. Please slow your weight loss; your doctor can help you do this if you’re not sure how.
So now I wonder, is this flabby feeling possibly related to rapid weightloss? And the tired feelings anemia? I probably ought to be taking vitamins, and I've even thought about it every once in awhile. I guess I need to be more diligent in that regard so that I can trully be healthy and not just someone who's lost a lot of weight.
My plan for the summer is to re-integrate P90X into my routine and hopefully that will help counteract this flabby feeling. Our walking group will go on hold until school starts again, but I know Jared is interested in exercising. My goal is to go down to a school track in the mornings and walk. I don't know if I'll really be able to maintain an early morning schedule - getting up at 6:45 am, but I'd like to at least try. If I can manage it, my hope for a routine is this:
6:45 am get up
7:00 am P90X
8:00 am walk track
9:00 am come home, shower, start day, etc.
OR I may alternate walking and P90x. We'll see what happens.
I've come so far I don't really want to give up, but I'm hitting that point where I'm becoming more relaxed in my fervor. I know one of the reasons I ate as bad as I did this week was a mental test to see how much I could get away with without 'paying' for it. I recognize that as one of my subconscious reasonings, and so far the scale has let me get away with it, but my physical feelings tell me it cost a lot more.
So with all these thoughts it mind, I was contemplating the concept of 'enduring to the end' this week. There is a reason the Lord includes "enduring to the end" as a requirement for salvation. I was discussing this topic with the Primary President on Saturday, and she said that she hates that phrase because "endure" conjures up such a negative feeling for her - drudgery, bad experiences, etc. I told her that that is exactly why enduring is part of the package. Even when we're going through a good spot, sometimes we get bored or tired with what we're doing and want to do something else. The true test is whether we'll persevere despite the drudgery and boredom.
I resolve to 'lengthen my stride', cowboy up, and endure to the end. Here's to perseverence!!
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