Talk thoughts

Sunday morning as I prayed about my talk, I received the impression that the most important thing I could do was share my testimony and experiences with the Book of Mormon. As I finished typing up my talk, I remembered an experience I had while we were teaching seminary and started to add it in, but took it out. I couldn't shake that memory though and felt that it needed to be shared as well. I was afraid by the time I got to the testimony portion of my talk I'd forget or run out of time. So, I began with the end.

I began my talk basically stating what I just did and then shared the following (roughly):

When Matthew and I taught seminary, I was preparing a lesson on 2 Nephi 2 where Lehi is teaching his children about Jesus Christ and the Atonement. I came to verse 7 and wanted to understand what was meant by 'the ends of the law'

7 Behold, he offereth himself a sacrifice for sin, to answer the ends of the law, unto all those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit; and unto none else can the ends of the law be answered.

As I kept reading, I discovered verse 10 had the answer:

10 And because of the intercession for all, all men come unto God; wherefore, they stand in the presence of him, to be judged of him according to the truth and holiness which is in him. Wherefore, the ends of the law which the Holy One hath given, unto the inflicting of the punishment which is affixed, which punishment that is affixed is in opposition to that of the happiness which is affixed, to answer the ends of the atonement—

The Spirit offered me clarity and the realization that the ends of the law are punishment and happiness. In order to answer the ends, Jesus had to experience it during the Atonement. As I realized the depths he experienced, I felt so humbled and understood why He was worthy for us to kneel at His feel and WANTED to kneel to. I am grateful for that moment with the Spirit. I am so grateful for my Savior and the love he feels that he would be willing to do that for each of us.

**************

A lot of people seemed to fall asleep during my talk, and I felt like I was mostly reading and that it was really boring. Several people told me afterwards that they really liked and it was good. I hope that it really was helpful for someone along the way. It was good for me to reflect on my experiences with the Book of Mormon. It has strengthened my testimony to remember.

The Book of Mormon is the Keystone of our Religion

In the 1986 October General Conference, Pres Ezra Taft Benson gave a talk called The Book of Mormon: Keystone of Our Religion and is the most widely sourced talk on the topic. I also draw my words mostly from his. 

The Prophet Joseph Smith testified that “the Book of Mormon was the most correct of any book on earth, and the keystone of our religion” (Introduction to the Book of Mormon). A keystone is the central stone in an arch. It holds all the other stones in place, and if removed, the arch crumbles.

There are three ways in which the Book of Mormon is the keystone of our religion. It is the keystone in our witness of Christ. It is the keystone of our doctrine. It is the keystone of testimony.

Keystone in our Witness of Christ

President Benson continues:

The Book of Mormon is the keystone in our witness of Jesus Christ, who is Himself the cornerstone of everything we do. It bears witness of His reality with power and clarity. Unlike the Bible, which passed through generations of copyists, translators, and corrupt religionists who tampered with the text, the Book of Mormon came from writer to reader in just one inspired step of translation. Therefore, its testimony of the Master is clear, undiluted, and full of power. But it does even more. Much of the Christian world today rejects the divinity of the Savior. They question His miraculous birth, His perfect life, and the reality of His glorious resurrection. The Book of Mormon teaches in plain and unmistakable terms about the truth of all of those. It also provides the most complete explanation of the Atonement. Truly, this divinely inspired book is a keystone in bearing witness to the world that Jesus is the Christ. (See title page of the Book of Mormon.)

In the title page of the Book of Mormon, it states that one of the purposes of the record is "to the convincing of the Jew and Gentile that Jesus is the Christ, the Eternal God, manifesting himself unto all nations." In fact, Nephi, the first author we hear from in the Book of Mormon tells us in 1 Nephi 6:4 "the fulness of mine intent is that I may persuade men to come unto the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, and be saved." Towards the end of Nephi's life as we read in 2 Nephi 25:23-30, Nephi mentions the name of Christ 16 times!!

 In the middle of the Book of Mormon we have the record of the teachings of Alma and Amulek. Beginning in chapter 32 while attempting to teach the people of Ammonihah, only the poor are willing to hear them. He teaches them how to have faith and nourish it. In chapter 33 the people are taught how to pray, and in 34 the people are taught the word is in Jesus Christ and why an Atonement is necessary. Beginning in verse 5, Amulek says:

5 And we have beheld that the great question which is in your minds is whether the word be in the Son of God, or whether there shall be no Christ.
6 And ye also beheld that my brother has proved unto you, in many instances, that the word is in Christ unto salvation.
7 My brother has called upon the words of Zenos, that redemption cometh through the Son of God, and also upon the words of Zenock; and also he has appealed unto Moses, to prove that these things are true.
8 And now, behold, I will testify unto you of myself that these things are true. Behold, I say unto you, that I do know that Christ shall come among the children of men, to take upon him the transgressions of his people, and that he shall atone for the sins of the world; for the Lord God hath spoken it.

Towards the end of the Book of Mormon we have accounts of the signs of his birth and death, as well as a visit from the resurrected Jesus. In 3 Nephi 11, the people have just spent three days in total darkness following a major upheaval and destruction resulting from earthquakes, tempests, and fires that were the signs given of Christ's death. Those who survived and were gathered in the land of Bountiful  

2 And they were also conversing about this Jesus Christ, of whom the sign had been given concerning his death.
3 And it came to pass that while they were thus conversing one with another, they heard a voice as if it came out of heaven; and they cast their eyes round about, for they understood not the voice which they heard;
4 And it came to pass that again they heard the voice, and they understood it not.
5 And again the third time they did hear the voice, and did open their ears to hear it; and their eyes were towards the sound thereof; and they did look steadfastly towards heaven, from whence the sound came.
6 And behold, the third time they did understand the voice which they heard; and it said unto them:
7 Behold my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased, in whom I have glorified my name—hear ye him.
8 And it came to pass, as they understood they cast their eyes up again towards heaven; and behold, they saw a Man descending out of heaven; and he was clothed in a white robe; and he came down and stood in the midst of them; and the eyes of the whole multitude were turned upon him, and they durst not open their mouths, even one to another, and wist not what it meant, for they thought it was an angel that had appeared unto them.
9 And it came to pass that he stretched forth his hand and spake unto the people, saying:
10 Behold, I am Jesus Christ, whom the prophets testified shall come into the world.
11 And behold, I am the light and the life of the world; and I have drunk out of that bitter cup which the Father hath given me, and have glorified the Father in taking upon me the sins of the world, in the which I have suffered the will of the Father in all things from the beginning.
12 And it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words the whole multitude fell to the earth; for they remembered that it had been prophesied among them that Christ should show himself unto them after his ascension into heaven.

Keystone of Our Doctrine

Again from Pres Benson:

The Book of Mormon is also the keystone of the doctrine of the resurrection. As mentioned before, the Lord Himself has stated that the Book of Mormon contains the “fulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ.” (D&C 20:9.) That does not mean it contains every teaching, every doctrine ever revealed. Rather, it means that in the Book of Mormon we will find the fulness of those doctrines required for our salvation. And they are taught plainly and simply so that even children can learn the ways of salvation and exaltation. The Book of Mormon offers so much that broadens our understandings of the doctrines of salvation. Without it, much of what is taught in other scriptures would not be nearly so plain and precious.

One year for an Institute class, as we read the Book of Mormon we found teachings, insights, or information that was unique to the Book of Mormon. It was amazing. Recently the Church Education System has created a new course called The Teaching of the Book of Mormon. I think the class outline gives a really great indication of the doctrines and lessons of the Book of Mormon:
 (see page)

Keystone of Testimony

From Pres Benson:

Finally, the Book of Mormon is the keystone of testimony. Just as the arch crumbles if the keystone is removed, so does all the Church stand or fall with the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. 

Pres James E Faust expounded on this concept in his talk The Keystone of Our Religon:

The Book of Mormon is a keystone because it establishes and ties together eternal principles and precepts, rounding out basic doctrines of salvation. It is the crowning gem in the diadem of our holy scriptures.

It is a keystone for other reasons also. In the promise of Moroni … —namely, that God will manifest the truth of the Book of Mormon to every sincere inquirer having faith in Christ—we have a key link in a self-locking chain.

A confirming testimony of the Book of Mormon convinces ‘that Jesus is the Christ, the Eternal God’ and also spiritually verifies the divine calling of Joseph Smith and that he did see the Father and the Son. With that firmly in place, it logically follows that one can also receive a verification that the Doctrine and Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price are true companion scriptures to the Bible and the Book of Mormon.

All of this confirms the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the divine mission of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, led by a living prophet enjoying continuous revelation. From these basic verities, an understanding can flow of other saving principles of the fulness of the gospel.

In addition, the Book of Mormon is a necessary keystone of our own individual faith. An understanding of the Book of Mormon can really help lock into place an individual’s faith in Jesus Christ.

Over and over in the Book of Mormon we see the pattern for receiving revelation or a testimony of God's word, beginning with Nephi who wanted to see what his father saw to the end with Moroni's promise that 

4 ... when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.
5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

President Boyd K. Packer, President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, shared his personal experience and counsel for those seeking a testimony:
“When I first read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover, I read the promise that if I ‘would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if [the things I had read were] true; and if [I would] ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he [would] manifest the truth of it unto [me], by the power of the Holy Ghost’ (Moroni 10:4). I tried to follow those instructions as I understood them.

If I expected a glorious manifestation to come at once as an overpowering experience, it did not happen. Nevertheless, it felt good, and I began to believe. …

My experience has been that a testimony does not burst upon us suddenly. Rather, it grows, as Alma said, from a seed of faith. ‘It will strengthen your faith: for ye will say I know that this is a good seed; for behold it sprouteth and beginneth to grow’ (Alma 32:30). If you nourish it, it will grow; and if you do not nourish it, it will wither (see Alma 32:37–41).

Do not be disappointed if you have read and reread and yet have not received a powerful witness. You may be somewhat like the disciples spoken of in the Book of Mormon who were filled with the power of God in great glory ‘and they knew it not’ (3 Nephi 9:20).
Do the best you can. Think of this verse: ‘See that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order’ (Mosiah 4:27)” (in Conference Report, Apr. 2005, 6–7; or Ensign, May 2005, 6, 8).

When I was a youth, we had a home teacher that challenged our family - specifically us children - to read the Book of Mormon. I took his challenge seriously and did it. My memories are foggy enough at this point that I don't remember if this was the first time I'd read it all the way through, but I was hungry for understanding, knowledge about gospel topics, and a testimony. I looked up every footnote and cross reference for each verse. It took me a long time to finish my study, but by the end my desires were met. And in the reading, I found answers to questions and situations I was facing as a youth. President Benson said

There is a power in the book which will begin to flow into your lives the moment you begin a serious study of the book. You will find greater power to resist temptation. You will find the power to avoid deception. You will find the power to stay on the strait and narrow path. The scriptures are called “the words of life” (D&C 84:85), and nowhere is that more true than it is of the Book of Mormon. When you begin to hunger and thirst after those words, you will find life in greater and greater abundance.

I found his words to be true. It certainly gave me the strength to resist temptation as a youth, and continues to give me the strength to meet the challenges I face as an adult. I love the writers of the Book of Mormon. I am so grateful for their strength and courage to do what is right even when it was hard.

Our beloved brother, President Marion G. Romney, testified of the blessings that can come into the lives of those who will read and study the Book of Mormon. He said:

“I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness” (Ensign, May 1980, p. 67).

These promises—increased love and harmony in the home, greater respect between parent and child, increased spirituality and righteousness—are not idle promises, but exactly what the Prophet Joseph Smith meant when he said the Book of Mormon will help us draw nearer to God.

It is my hope and prayer that we see that promise come to fruition in our home and family. I leave my testimony of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon with you in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

NO SISSY! Weight loss contest end and evaluation

Total loss = .8 pounds :/
(just a reminder, first number is Thursday weigh in (official) and the second is Monday)
Dec 21 Week 12: 169.1 
Dec 14 Week 11: 168.7/169.5
Dec  7 Week 10: 168/168.4
Nov 30 Week  9: 167.1/167.6
Nov 23 Week  8: 166.2/169.1
Nov 16 Week  7: 165.1
Nov  9 Week  6: 166.4/164.5
Nov  2 Week  5: 164.2 (1.4 lb loss)/164.0 (1.3 lb loss)
Oct 26 Week  4: 165.6 (.4 lb loss)/ 165.3 (0 loss)
Oct 19 Week  3: 166.0 (.9 lb loss)/165.3 (.5 lb loss)
Oct 12 Week  2: 166.9 (.2 lb loss)/165.8 (1.8 lb loss)
Oct  5  Week  1: 167.1 (2.7 lb loss)/167.6 (3.3 lb loss)
Sep 29 Start: 169.8/170.9

As you can see, about mid-Nov I started losing my momentum and started gaining. It was the beginning of an unraveling that culminated at the end of the year. As I look at the numbers, it felt like more than it really was. I had tried to follow the THM principles, but always hanging over my head was the idea of needing to go dairy free. It is really hard to do THM dairy free (at least, using the recipes in the book and all over the internet). It is a lot of work to cut dairy out of your diet if you aren't trying to separate your carbs and fats. But the anxiety of thinking about dairy free bled into other areas of my life. Once I was kicked out of the contest, all shreds of motivation were gone and by Christmas I was pretty much where I started. 

At the beginning of the contest, we were exercising as a family. By the end of Oct, Matthew's PT test was passed and no longer a motivation for working out. Our family exercise challenge fell away and that was the end of my physical output too. My left heel has been bothering me for a few months, but it was getting worse. By mid-December my knees started aching as well as all my other joints (like arthritic), and between my foot and joints it hurt to move.  I began feeling depressed as well. Sugary Christmas treats were in abundance in my belly at that point, and I don't know if it was the sudden increase of sugar or just general lack of good nutrition that started causing problems. Circular reasoning is hard to find the beginning in. I'm not sure if hormone fluctuations were causing mental issues or if the not eating right was causing me to not feel right or if they were just feeding each other. 

As I write this today, the knee pains are pretty much gone and I can walk a bit easier. I tried some plantar fascia inserts and they worked for about a week and then I started getting the knee pain. I took the inserts out and things started improving again (so maybe that was the cause of the knee problems), but I also stopped eating as much sugar to see if I could detox from it and get better. Again, who knows where the cause and effect truly lie. I still have not done any official exercising, but I am back on the THM wagon and trying to do dairy sparingly. It still haunts me and I'm tempted to cut the whole family off from dairy instead of just me and P, but I'm trying not to let that thought become debilitating. We've started a new contest as of last week - Work your Adipose Off (or something to that effect). So far I've been able to follow THM like I'd like, but also give myself grace.

Scripture Power

Powerful and interesting thought today as I was preparing for Thursday's scripture class. 2 Nephi 30:18 contains the promise that "Satan shall have power over the hearts of the children of men no more, for a long time" (referring to the Millenium, the period of time after Jesus Christ returns to the earth). 1 Nephi 22:26 explains that it is "because of the righteousness of his people, Satan has no power; wherefore, he cannot be loosed for the space of many years; for he hath no power over the hearts of the people, for they dwell in righteousness, and the Holy One of Israel reigneth." Here is the really powerful thought from Pres Spencer W Kimball: “When Satan is bound in a single home—when Satan is bound in a single life—the Millennium has already begun in that home, in that life” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 172). Satan only has as much power as we give him.

Fighting

I have been really struggling the last month for a variety of reasons, but I am coming to an understanding about myself.  I've been dealing with anxiety and depression. The more I've thought about it, I think I am on the spectrum for anxiety disorder but I've dealt with it in a somewhat healthy way up until now. It is hard to distinguish where it ends and begins. As I've sifted through my thoughts, one thing that is clear to me is that spirituality feeds me. It really makes or breaks me, and unfortunately I have been starving my spirit. I make token measures to rekindle good spiritual habits over the last few years, but they are not part of me like they have in the past. In an effort to force myself into the scriptures, I began a scripture study class after we moved here. For a few weeks it helped me make scripture time a priority, but then I lost it as others took their turns for teaching. When it was my turn to teach again, it helped to bring me back in. My chapters focused on the Savior (as so many do) and this particular focus brought me to a conviction again but it still didn't instill a habit.

The first Sunday of December I focused my fast on me. I recognized I needed help. Having that moment to myself with the Lord in prayer began breaking down a wall. I found that I had a moment in the mornings to myself that I could dedicate to prayer and scriptures study. It really has helped to have those moments to myself and to work on establishing a habit again. Having the scripture study class allowed me to have a "reason" or focus to my study too, but then Christmas break has kind of put a wrench in it. I was able to keep up for the most part but I lost my consecutive days reading streak a few days ago and am now trying to get back on track. My reading schedule has been scripture class assignment Mon - Thurs and then the other days are focused on Sunday lessons assignments.

Today I had the quiet time in the morning to read again, so I decided to read the Sunday School assignment for tomorrow. We are doing the Book of Mormon again, so I am excited to double up on it. Since it is the first lesson of the year, it's an introduction lesson. Honestly while I was reading today it wasn't penetrating until I came to the ones from D&C 84. These particular verses stood out to me:

D&C 84:54,61

54 And your minds in times past have been darkened because of unbelief, and because you have treated lightly the things you have received—
 61 For I will forgive you of your sins with this commandment—that you remain steadfast in your minds in solemnity and the spirit of prayer, in bearing testimony to all the world of those things which are communicated unto you.

I had to read those several times, but I have no doubt the Lord was speaking to me. It's true. My mind has been darkened because of unbelief and not taking things seriously enough to change me. He gives me the answer too: steadfastness (having faith), prayer, and sharing my testimony. Tomorrow is testimony meeting. Guess I'll be sharing. But the other place my testimony that needs to be shared is in my own home. The experience I referenced earlier about conviction actually left me with the impression that I needed to do more at home to focus on the Savior and the gospel but nothing changed. I think part of the message being communicated to me today is that it needs to happen. The gospel needs to be a priority. 

I need to explore this some more and make an actual plan for fruition. But for now, my thoughts are at least turned to the Lord and on 'paper'.

NO SISSY! Weigh in Week 5

Total: 5.5 lb/6.9 lb

Week 5: 164.2 (1.4 lb loss)/164.0 (1.3 lb loss)
Week 4: 165.6 (.4 lb loss)/ 165.3 (0 loss)
Week 3: 166.0 (.9 lb loss)/165.3 (.5 lb loss)
Week 2: 166.9 (.2 lb loss)/165.8 (1.8 lb loss)
Week 1: 167.1 (2.7 lb loss)/167.6 (3.3 lb loss)
Start: 169.8/170.9

surprised myself

About a month ago Facebook was full of memes and articles in honor of infant loss and miscarriage awareness. I remember one in particular that made the point that a mother thinks of her losses often and could tell you how old that child would be in a blink. I realized I could not. I don't know if those wounds have healed with Peter's arrival or the peace that came from the Lord. Whatever the reason, at the time I was totally at a loss of how much time has passed.

Fast forward and rewind to Thursday. I host a scripture study class in our home so that children are welcome to come too. One of the moms has a five year old daughter and a thirteen month old son that come with her. Thursday the girl was making some kind of noises about not wanting to go home. I told her she could stay with me. I need a little girl because I don't have one. She shook her head no and quickly got ready to go, looking a little panicked in the process. I realized as I was saying that she could stay with me, that my first lost baby would be her age. I guess I've paid more attention than I thought.

Having Peter has changed a lot of things. I've aged a lot in the last eight years. I'm so grateful he is here and part of our family, and though I want a daughter, I'm not sure I really have it in me to have one more. I am tired. This week my body has been acting odd so I took a pregnancy test to put my mind at ease. It's amazing how quickly my mind shifted to disappointment. It is hard to separate nostalgia from true desire though. I decided to leave it up to the Lord and accept whatever He has planned for our family.

oh the cuteness!

Jared was up passed his bedtime tonight taking care of some things and playing with Peter. When I finally ushered everyone to bed, Jared reached for Peter. At first Peter swatted at him, but then reached for him. Jared happily took Peter from my arms. Peter have him a hug and then leaned in to his face and gave him a kiss on the lips, complete with sound effects. It made Jared's day :) this was the first real kiss Peter's given. He has done a few experimental motions to me, but they are a rare gift and none have been with such fervor. Peter was complaining because it was time to go to bed. I let Jared hold on to him, but on the condition he got him ready for bed. They both happily complied. It warms my heart to see their devotion to each other.

NO SISSY Weigh in Week 4

Week 4: 165.6 (.4 lb loss)
Week 3: 166.0 (.9 lb loss)
Week 2: 166.9 (.2 lb loss)
Week 1: 167.1 (2.7 lb loss)
Start: 169.8

I've been feeling it all week. I think my hormones are changing and bloating was setting in. Monday I was 165.3. It's crazy how I always weigh less on Mondays. I think I'm going to add Mondays weight next to that week's weigh-in and see the difference:

Week 4: 165.6 (.4 lb loss)/ 165.3 (0 loss)
Week 3: 166.0 (.9 lb loss)/165.3 (.5 lb loss)
Week 2: 166.9 (.2 lb loss)/165.8 (1.8 lb loss)
Week 1: 167.1 (2.7 lb loss)/167.6 (3.3 lb loss)
Start: 169.8/170.9

Um yeah... big difference. My feeling is that after such a big loss at the beginning it isn't logical (or good) to continue loosing at such a rapid pace. I think it is hard on the body. Yes, I've been off plan a bit but I think the weight loss has slowed just because of the big jumps at the beginning of the month. But this week would be my first freebie otherwise.

I also think it is because of the increase in milk products in my diet :/ I really think I need to cut dairy out, but I am having a hard time giving it up again. Mostly it is due to the ease of grabbing yogurt from the fridge or all the recipes that require it. *sigh* I keep tellling myself that I'm going to go dairy free that day and then don't. Jared is funny because I think he wants me to be successful more than I do. He keeps saying I need to run the track with him and go dairy free. 

Holy Grail Almond Buns

These Holy Grail Almond Buns deserve a post of their own so I can find the link quickly. They are amazing!! I've made them a few times now and done some experimenting with it.

Here are the basic ingredients:

almond flour
sweetener (I've used coconut sugar)
baking powder
eggs
oil (I've used both butter and coconut oil)

I've made it with Briana's Baking Blend in place of the almond flour and it worked pretty well also. I tend to make it with 2 parts almond flour and 1 part flax seed meal and oat fiber (about 1 or 2 TB) though. I recently used egg substitutes also. The chia seed egg makes a nice crunch to the bread.

The recipe calls for a muffin top pan to create a bun shape. The first time I made it I thought that just putting it in a round shape on the silicone mat would be good enough. I ended up with a rounded flat piece of 'bread.' It had a delicious taste and probably would have made a decent pizza crust but I ended up eating them more like cookies. Since then I've been putting the dough into a square dish and making a loaf to slice. I really like it toasted with cream cheese and jelly. It tastes very similar to real bread this way. Yum.

I love this recipe!!

Substitutions Quick Ref (eggs, fibers, sweeteners)

Go-to Substitution Chart  for eggs and sugar, as well as husks and xanthan gum

Psyllium Husks subs
Oat fiber 
THM Sweetener conversion chart

THM/low carb breads and wraps

My tabs are full of recipes for different breads and wraps that I don't want to close because once I add them to my bookmarks they get lost. I thought this might be a good place to create an easy reference.

Everything bagel dogs 

(mozz cheese, almond flour, xanthan gum, cream cheese, eggs)

Paleo Bagel 

(coconut flour, chia seeds, psyllium husk powder, coconut milk, applesauce, ACV, oil, baking soda, salt)

low carb pumpkin bagels 

(coconut flour, flax meal, eggs, oil, milk, pumpkin, sweetener, ACV, baking soda, salt, vanilla, pumpkin spice, cinnamon)

Basic psylli wraps 

(whole psyllium husks, baking powder, salt, egg whites,spices)

Coconut flour oat fiber psylli wraps 

(whole psyllium husks, coconut flour, oat fiber, baking powder, salt, egg whites, ACV)

Coconut flour, oat fiber, psylli buns and wraps 

(whole psyllium husks, coconut flour, oat fiber, baking powder, salt, egg whites, water, ACV)

Coconut Wonder Wraps 

(coconut flour, psyllium husk powder, water, egg whites)

Gluten free tortillas 

(almond flour, psyllium husk powder, salt, eggs, water)

*Almond flax tortillas 

(almond flour, flaxseed meal, water, salt)

*Holy Grail Almond Buns 

(almond flour, baking powder, sweetener (opt), eggs, butter)

Pita Bread (not low carb) (flour, salt, sweetener, yeast, water, oil)

*have made and enjoyed. Experimented with baking blend and has worked well

NO SISSY! Weigh-in Week 3

Week 3: 166.0 (.9 lb loss)
Week 2: 166.9 (.2 lb loss)
Week 1: 167.1 (2.7 lb loss)
Start: 169.8

I weighed less the day before. I'm thinking Thursdays just aren't my best day. But, I did make my .5 lb loss. Julie gave me a .1 oz grace when taking in to account I hadn't nursed Peter yet, so I don't owe a $1 this week :p I really was better this week at being good. I ate on plan pretty much all week. We had the Freschetta pizza again Wed night, but I was good!! I made an on plan bread that I used for the crust and took the toppings off. It actually tasted really good, so I ate three pieces of it! Today (Thursday) I didn't do as well by the end of the day. I think I ended up giving in to stress eating because the day was so out of my norm. By the end of night I ate three fully sugar laden pumpkin cookies with real milk on top of a s'more and two roasted marshmallows, as well as jello salad. I was pretty sugared out just after the jello, which I'd had first, but I gave in to the temptation on the other things. 

I really need to up my exercise routine, which is really nothing at this point. My left heel/foot has been bothering me for weeks now and it is the biggest reason (excuse). I couldn't sleep this morning after getting up at 3:18 to potty. I thought about doing an exercise video but didn't want to wake myself up too much b/c I have a late night, but the longer I laid in bed the more awake I felt until I decided to get up and do this. I'm hoping I can go back to bed and get a little more sleep though because part of me is really tired.

NO SISSY Week 2

Week 2: 166.9 (.2 lb loss)
Week 1: 167.1 (2.7 lb loss)
Start: 169.8

I didn't do so great this week. Monday I had dropped another pound, but by today's weigh in I had had too many crossovers the last few days. Wed nights have become pizza night, and I bought a new brand this week. Oh man. Freschetta crusts are just the way I like it. Bad, bad.... under the original rules of the competition, I should have been eliminated but Julie has allowed one freebie week so I am still in the game for now. I owe $1 to the pot as well. So, is time to be good.

NO SISSY weigh in Week 1

Week 1: 167.1 1.6% and 2.7 lbs lost
Start: 169.8

Not bad for my first week. I guess THM is working for me. I have upped my activity level a little bit as well, but it really is a little bit. Two of those pounds came off between Thursday and Monday but I started adding a twenty minute walk to my day the week before. I've also been participating in our family sit up and push up challenge every night. My arms are still pretty flabby but they are getting stronger. The most I've managed to do is 25. It's rough. As part of the contest I've participated in a plank challenge as well. Today was 1 minute. I only dropped a knee once at like 45 sec which is pretty good considering I also did the 25 pushups earlier and my arms were still sore.

I don't know if I'll be able to continue losing at this momentum. I think it's normal to see a big drop in the beginning when you make big changes. Today was harder for me to stay on plan. We had pizza for dinner last night and I was fine with being off plan to eat it, but then we had it again tonight and I couldn't quit eating from lunch on. So I need to do better tomorrow.

Ponderize

General Conference was fantastic last weekend. Three new apostles were called. Pres Monson seemed to really struggle by the end of his talk. I am not sure how much longer he will be on the earth. Between his loneliness with his wife gone and now the most recent losses of Pres Packer, Elder Perry and Elder Scott, they must have weighed heavy on him besides his health issues.

One of the new apostles came from the Sunday school presidency. In his place is Bro. Durrant. Bro Durrant gave a talk with two pieces of advice: 1) save money and 2) ponderize. The challenge of ponderizing is to choose a scripture each week to ponder and memorize. For family home evening, we did just that. Matthew would have liked to have a family scripture to ponderize, but the boys wanted their own do that's what we did. Here are this week's scriptures:

Me: 1 Nephi 3:7
Jared: D&C 6:36
Aaron: 1 Corinthians 15: 21-22

Matthew sat down with the boys yesterday and asked what thoughts they had about their scripture. Jared just basically recited it, but Aaron brought up the garden of Eden but accidentally called it Gethsemane. Matthew realized that for both aspects a garden played an important role. I believe Aaron also was able to explain the meaning of the verse.

Later last night Jared asked if he could pull out his trumpet and work on putting his verse to music. He was supposed to be in bed so I wouldn't let him, but tonight he kind of sang it to me so I could hear what he's come up with. I've heard him throughout the afternoon singing it. It makes me smile. I asked him what he thought his verse meant or something similar and he still didn't have any input, but he shared an experience with it.

We had a discussion with the boys recently about the amount of money we'd receive in life insurance if Matthew were to die while on assignment. Matthew often implies that we'd be better off with the money than his physical presence which is far from the truth. So we asked the boys if they had to choose between money or dad, what would they do. They both said money, not realizing the implications. When I explained why we would get the money, they both immediately changed their answers.

So tonight, Jared told me he was thinking of that money and wondered about his dad dying. He said he immediately had the thought, "doubt not, fear not" come to his mind. I shared with him how when I was younger I'd always say "I love you" when I prayed and the immediate responding thought was "If ye love me, keep my commandments." I explained it was the Lord's way of telling me that obedience was the proof of my love (although I think I just wrote it more succinctly than I said it to him). He nodded in understanding. I should have also validated his experience by pointing out that he heard the Spirit.

We changed the topic when he brought up his friends, but it led to a discussion about my experience in choosing to live here. I told Jared how worried I -we- were about him and the prospect of living on this side of town. I told him I cried a lot, and we prayed hard on his behalf. I shared that after feeling that here was where we should be, I was driving around after just looking at the house.  An airplane flew over head and the thought came, "They will be happy here."  I told Jared the Lord is looking after him and knows him. There are five other kids he rides the bus with and three of them are our neighbors. It's pretty amazing odds. They get along really well. This has been the easiest experience with making friends for him.  We agreed that he is happy here. 

Jared's scripture and mine make a pretty powerful team. His is the invitation and mine is the example of application.

N) SISSY Weight loss contest

It is that time of year again. Instead of the usual annual Lettuce Eat Cake contest, Julie is trying a NO SISSY contest. Weigh in is every Thursday for 12 weeks. Each week you don't lose at least 1 lb, you owe a $1. If you don't lose at least .5 lb, you're out. The winner is the one with the highest percentage lost and gets the pot. We start today.

Weigh in - 169.8

I have been wanting to kick start my health habits, so this should help. I am attempting to follow the Trim Healthy Mama program. I was following it last year this time and was most successful once I cut dairy out of my diet. I added it back in for my birthday and haven't slowed down since. I am hoping that maybe I can try again but be more reasonable and not have to cut the dairy. However, I am prepared to do dairy free if I need to.

The basic premise of Trim Healthy Mama (THM) is that you separate your meals by 3 hours and into carbs (E or Energizing) and fats (S or Satisfying). As a general rule, the two fuels should not be combined. It is a whole foods, no sugar, eat until you're satisfied 'diet'. In place of sugar, stevia, xylitol, and erythol are recommended. I choose to use coconut sugar and monk fruit for my sweeteners though I will occasionally use stevia packets. Wheat based flours should be ground from sprouted grains or sourdough.

At this point I am not in 100%, but the basic premise of separating fuels and 3 hrs between meals is my goal.

As for exercise, we have been doing pushups and situps at the end of the day as a family. My arms and stomach muscles are getting stronger but my legs want to be strengthened too. I am dealing with a painful left heal (probably plantar fascias or whatever that term is) which makes it challenging. I bought new running shoes a couple of weeks ago and did not want to use them for every day use, but I broke them out today because something needed to change. It has helped my foot feel better to be in good shoes today. Now I just need to figure out how I will use my time to exercise.

So, for better or worse (hopefully better) time to up my game in all areas of my life!

Let's bring it!

Deep (cleaning) Thoughts

Wed, Sept 30:

As I was attempting to mop my house today with Peter trailing me and trying in his limited skills to help, but slipping on the wet floor and both of us getting frustrated instead, I figured there must be a lesson in this. Here is what I came up (and it's far from a perfect analogy) - How often does the Lord try to clean our living space but we won't let Him? He warns us of the danger and directs us to safety, but all we can think about is what we want RIGHT NOW. Sometimes we return again and again to the same muck because it's what we're comfortable with instead of what is best for us. Or in our limited knowledge we fail to understand what the Lord has in mind so we assert our own thoughts on the situation instead of trusting that the Lord knows what He is doing.The trouble is the Lord can't clean where we are standing until we move. When we listen and obey the Lord's guidance, we can see Him work in our lives and learn to trust His words. As we wait patiently 'on the carpet' for a time instead of walking on the wet floor where we could slip and fall, He cleans our hearts and homes and allows us to dwell in a better place in the end.

Thurs, Oct 1st:

How can someone have a really spiritual experience and still deny God (ie see an angel or other miraculous thing)? It's a consistency issue. Just because you cleaned your house really well one time does not mean it will stay clean. It requires consistent daily effort to maintain it.

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In an effort to motivate myself to read the scriptures. I began a scripture study group. Today was the first day. There was a tremendous response of people interested, but in the end 9 adults were in attendance and four children (including my own). I think it will be a good thing. I'm already feeling more motivated to read and prepare for next week as well as to do my Sunday lessons. It has been a good umph to finish working on putting the house together too. The house looks pretty good at this point. Maintenance... that is the key.

Starting Anew

I am being sustained today in a new calling. I have greatly enjoyed the break from responsibilities. It has been especially nice to sit in Sunday School and Relief Society. (Well, when I can, since Peter has reached the age where we have to wander with him. But Matthew has taken the role of wandering which has also been nice.) My spiritual (and physical) habits have been greatly lacking and my spirituality has suffered. It has been dwindling since New Jersey, but especially while in Utah. It is quite the contrast to who I was four or even three years ago.

The first Sunday of the month the Relief Society presidency chooses the topic of the lesson. Ours this month was on having The Holy Ghost as our constant companion. She created a chart comparing the way we feel/act when The Holy Ghost is with us and when He is not. The 'not' side pretty much nailed me. He has been nudging me in my thoughts to do better, but I honestly didn't care enough despite knowing it made me miserable and lonely to not have that spirituality. The lesson helped, and I began striving to listen to the scriptures again and praying more often. I am still far from creating a regular habit. One thing I did to motivate me was to reach out to the sisters and suggest meeting once a week for a scripture study group. The response was minimal, but enough that we are going to do it. The first class is this Thursday. I am hoping it will be a life-line for others as it was for me in NJ and will be now.

I have served in Primary in some capacity almost consistently for the last twelve or thirteen years. I did have a few breaks here and there, but it has certainly been non-stop since Aaron was in nursery. When we moved to NJ, my heart was in Primary and my emotions were raw. I had no desire to be with adults. By the time I was ready to be among the sisters, I received my calling as a Primary teacher. I was really kind of upset about it and it took awhile to learn to love my calling. I was grateful for the opportunity to see 'the other side' since I had served as President so often. It also prepared me to lead the Primary a few months later when I was called as the President. When we moved to UT, again I was happy to be in Relief Society but was quickly called to the Primary as the chorister. My heart certainly wasn't in it. After Peter was born and I had 6 weeks off I had no desire to return. But as the depression eased, my heart grew as well and I learned to love that calling. I love being in Primary. I love knowing what my children are learning and singing. I love having that time together too. I love getting to know the children in the ward. This time though, the Lord is not returning me to the Primary.

I am grateful for our loving Father who knows me intimately. He knows that I have used Primary as an excuse to not read my lessons. He knows I am wandering without direction. He knows it is time to rebuild my reservoir because I am not doing it myself. He also knows what I can give. I recognize that as I pull myself up I will lead others to the light as well. I have a feeling he is preparing me for another leadership position, but one step at a time. I look forward to serving in my new capacity.